Self: High fives for pulling off that bookclub last night.Realistic Self: Oh please.
Self: Well they came, they blabbed, they ate, they left. I'd call that a major pulloff.
Realistic Self: Um. Wait. Remember the first woman who got here?
Self: The one that I told the secret to about not reading the book? I believe my exact words to her were "Hey ________, you want to hear a secret? I didn't read the book."
Realistic Self: Yah. Remember the first thing out of her mouth when the discussion started?
Self: You mean the part about announcing that I hadn't read the book?
Realistic Self: yep.
Self: um. That was a bit of a blip in the radar screen of the pull off. I wasn't even given the chance to use my practiced head nod. I remember at one point catching myself using the head nod, and then having to tell myself, no need to use the head nod, so I stopped with the head nod. In fact, I remember thinking I can't believe I considered the head nod thing. I got a little red in the face thinking that the head nod and I had been on the same page.
Realistic Self: Ya Think?
Realistic Self: So how did you like the discussion?
Self: I found my mind wandering a bit becaise I didn't know what was going on.
Realistic Self: And?
Self: Ok Ok I was disgusted and irritated with myself because the book actually seemed like it might be worth reading.
Realistic Self: Why so quiet?
Self: Sometimes I hate talking to you.
Realistic Self: I don't know why you would say that.
Self: You know, you were pretty valuable to me when I was raising the kids, but I've got to say, sometimes now that I'm living with only you, I find you to be annoying and irritating.
Realistic Self: Funny, I think I remember the kids saying the same thing when they were , um, like, 15.
Self: (sound that is made when you take a huge breath and blow alot of air out your lips and they vibrate. like a horse does)
Self: OKOKOK. I was narcked out by one of the women.
Big Woo.
Realistic Self: It was classic, no?
Self: Yep. It was absolutely a classical tale. Rivals a Dickens novel.
Realistic Self: It was hilarious, no?
Self: Yep. Now that you mention it, it was totally hilarious. Hilarity was abounding far and near, near and far.
Realistic Self: You deserved it, no?
Self: Yep. I deserved it all the way.
Realistic Self: I mean, didn't you just L-O-V-E love it?
Self: Yeah yeah, excellent blog material. And much more socially appropriate than skin tags.
Self: Can we be done now?
8 comments:
dang funny! Mommacita, can I hire you to come over and entertain me throughout the day...PLEASE? I am willing to pay big $ for you! You can leave your realistic self at home though :-)
Shalyse, YOU are funny!
What a snarky woman to announce your secret. If she had been me, I would have only shot semi-serious glances your way and try not to laugh during your headnods. Oh well....
I would love to see self and realistic self go at it. I'm thinking self could take her.
I would not call it snarky. Done without guile..
...and realistic self has had a choke hold on self for many many years. But just for the record, self would like to beat the everliving bajoobies out of her, but realistic self in her passive agressive fashion convices self to make love not war.
cindy says that that book is a really good book, and that it will change your life. i say that the book of mormon does. anyways, we are all sitting in my apartment watching my iRobot "Robbie" clean my floor, while laughing at your witty bloggings. we love roobie and your blog.
cindy says you would love The Persian Pickle Club as a avid quilter that you are. you will love it. it will not change your life...but it will ensure some times for laughter.
Your blogs are hilarious. That book really is good, by the way. I'd list it up there with "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom.
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