In Defense of Loving the Kitties

This is dedicated to my neice Annie. Because, like you, she just loves the kitties. ESPECIALLY nursing kitties. OK, I'm guessing on that one, but I'm pretty sure because who doesn't love the nursing kitties? Annie just had a baby girl on the 13th. So she's a nursing kit-kat herself. She MIGHT have sounded (in her comment on my last blog) like she didn't like kitties, but I say C'MON. You know you're loving on the kitties. 'Cause who can resist a good kittie makeover? And the people who document them?






Annie, since you're a new mom, AND you love the kitties, I thought you would appreciate all that the internet has to offer on the subject. Pretty sure your mom will like this too, 'cause everybody just loves the kitties. and the people who document them.

(In the real life, the blue edge and words in the above picture sparkled and danced. I'm sorry that was lost in the translation, because I know you would have liked it equal to the amount you like kitties.)

And now my kittie lovin' readers, let's get to the 'kitties' and 'nursing' documentations, that are out there floating around on the world wide web. Unbelievable, I KNOW!

(Warning, Warning: Little Kittie Treats in Store!!)

First, we have a 'Hello Kitty" nursing boppy. Yum!

Second, we have the "Hello Kitty Boppy in Action". With Asian subtitles.

Third, there are cuddly stuffed toys for Ruby and May to reinact the kitty nursing experience. However Annie, you might have to explain why only one of the kitties looks like the mom. I cannot vouch for anitomical correctness or uncorrectness.

Fourth, you may need to keep an eye on the kids. After playing with the Kittie and Nursing Kitties toy, Ruby and May may wish to give something new a try, because those nursing kitties are just so dang cutsie wootsie

Fifth, there are any number of outstanding arts-es that you can purchase and hang on your walls that will remind you of the wonderful cycle of kittie life.

Sixth, a reminder that discreet nursing is pleasant nursing. Which makes you just love kitties. and the people who document them.

Seventh, Kitties can not only nurse, but they can REHAB. Pretty great for someone who's stuck in a glider 24/7. What's not to love there?

Eighth, In the spirit of true entrepreneurial-ship, Kitties can strike up lucrative deals with other kitties and market products that are most like mother herself. Gotta love that!

Ninth, Kitties and the people who document them can give us all hope when we are facing those pesky post-partum body image issues.

Tenth, I don't really have a reason for this one. All I know is that some people who document certain things have lost their minds.

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Elevator Stories

Yesterday, while in the back of an elevator, I was minding my own beeswax. The elevator stops, and a group of people get on, filling up the elevator. The person that stood in front of me was about 5 inches shorter than I, and so as the door was closing, I realized that I had a birds eye view of her head.

First of all, when I'm on an elevator, my opinion is that people have to stand a little too close to one another for my taste. Too much heat, too many accidental touchings by strangers, too many close up views of some body's mole or wart or whatever that thing is that is growing out the side of their neck. And I don't want to smell anyone's Jovan Musk even for a minute and a half.

I can't believe they still make that stuff.

Anyway, back to my elevator story, I'm standing there, looking at this lady's head. Then, because I have nothing to do because I'm on an elevator, and when on an elevator, certain people (me) try to avoid eye contact, I try and find somewhere for my eyes to go, so I start to examine her hair. And here is a very detailed description of her hairstyle: gray, short, poodle perm.

So my mind starts to wander concerning the poodle perm. I know that no one on this earth goes through life with only the poodle perm as their hairstyle, so I start wondering in what scenario a woman eventually goes into her hairdresser, sits down in the chair, and says, "Cindy, let's go with the poodle perm style today, and not only today but for the rest of my life."

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I really want to know... Do you evolve to that point? Do you poodle perm only the top for a while and then you just give up and say "ah heck , let's fry up my whole head with teensy eensy Brillo pad curls?" Do you just get sick of styling your hair, so you decide that all those curly curls will trick you into thinking that you have styled your hair when in fact you have not? Do you have a poodle and so you are attracted to the look? Even if you can't get away with it? Have you always liked poodles? Does your man say to you, "Hey honey, why don't you start looking like a poodle now?" Does anyone out there know?

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Because I am a woman who is never going to be able to pull off the poodle look. I do not have enough hair, and it is the wrong texture. And my face is round and it's never going to work for me in any lifetime.

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I have some concerns on how the poodle look eventually squeezes past a woman's beauty filter. When you grow older, do you not only loose the filter from your brain to your mouth, but do you also loose the one that goes from your eyes to the mirror to your brain? This is of concern to me.

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So. Note to my kids: In the future, if I come walking in your front door with a poodle perm, it's time to sit me down and take away my car keys because I have finally lost my filters and my marbles.

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l

I went from looking at hair that was non of my business to finally loosing my marbles before I got off the elevator. I will obviously do anything to avoid eye contact.

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Because you know you all love poodle haired kitties.

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Today, While the Blossom Still Clings to the Vine

Today I gave what I thought was a beautifully prepared church lesson to 5 year olds. Towards the end of the lesson the most well mannered child in the class said "Are we ever going to do anything fun in here?"

Today a five year old asked me how old I was. I said 53. "Is that almost a hundred?" He asked. Yes I said. Yes it is.

Today I went to the home of a kid from the class to drop off something to color. It was my first time to meet him. He opened the door and announced: "I'VE GOT A VIRUS". I took a step back. "I"VE BEEN POOPING EVEN ON MY CHAIR." I couldn't stop myself from thinking: Wait just a minute here, you don't even know my name.

Today I was invited to someones house for dinner at 6:00. I was languishing on my bed all afternoon, because I'm almost a hundred, I'm not that fun, and I've been exposed to a virus, an alarming virus that carries potential to dismantle furniture. Amidst my languishment, I made sure to keep my eye on the clock so I would not be late for dinner. I realize that being too lazy (a couple of weeks ago) to go downstairs and dig out the Phillips screw driver so I could undo the back of the clock to "spring forward" has come back to bite me once again.

Today I was watching the wrong clock.


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Economy Eblonomy Part III

Today, while I was visiting a 6 year old boy (whom I am teaching at church), his sister came from her bedroom decked out in one of these

She stood between him and I, in her fancy smancy gown, with one of the shoulders slipping down to her elbow, swishing from side to side, grinning from ear to ear, waiting for me to notice the finery. "I'm going to a birthday party!!" she finally blurted out. Her brother put his hands over his eyes.

I know I'm going out on a limb here, but I just want to say, it's OK for you to wear sparkly costumes if you are 3. Especially if there is a party involved. Especially if your older brother is getting all the attention right at the moment. And Especially if Economy Eblonomy is making me not buy plane tickets to see these two.

Single tear.

Oh heck. Why be strong? Buckets and Buckets and BUCKET LOADS of tears.

PS English Teachers who belong to my family, (and you know who you are) what is the rule for who and whom? I think I don't know.

Economy Eblonomy part II

I might tire of this economy themed post scheme before it's time. Maybe it's that I'm tired of the economy. And I heard today that Economy Eblonomy is going to be around until 2012. Knife through the heart.

But I must press on. I'm trying to regroup, rethink. In fact, today I consulted the Mommacita Think Tank For Ideas On How to Save Cash. The Mommacita Think Tank was recently formed (10:00 this morning) and is made up of a volunteer who was available once a gun was put to her head.

Because you're craving more tips from the tip list, here you go.



Economic Tip List ~ Tip Number 2

"Eat what is already in your cupboard"

FYI, I kind of stopped eating cereal in the mornings, in favor of a more protein based meal to start out my day.

Just so you know, back in the day, when there were 4 kids and an athletic man living here, I couldn't keep food on the shelves. Now that everyone has gone, I have become labeled by my kids as that toothless shifty eyed lady who likes to have outdated food everywhere in her house (and since she likes to have outdated food in her house you better be on guard every single second you are with her because she is plotting to make you eat it and kill you and your loved ones).

They all think they are getting away with checking the dates on the food when I'm not looking, but I'm here to tell you they're NOT getting away with it. I see them doing it. I live in fear of them finding outdated food in my house because, one, they mock me for it, and two, it's embarrassing. So when they come to visit, or STAY, I go out of my way to put food with a "good until 2011" stamp on it right out there on the front of the shelf. And then I hope, they don't look beyond the first row.

Anyway, because of this, and because for the last 30 years I got in the habit of buying 2 or 3 of something when something was on sale, I might have too much food.

So I just inventoried the cereal, because while I don't eat cereal anymore, apparently I still buy it. Because you never know when I might start eating it again. This is what I found:

Kelloggs Rice Krispies

Kelloggs Frosted Mini Wheats

Wheat Chex

2 boxes of Post spoon sized Shredded Wheat

Post spoon sized Shredded Wheat 'N' Bran

Kashi Go Lean

Kashi 7 whole grain Puffs

Quaker regular oatmeal packets

Quaker Fruit and Cream Oatmeal Packets

a Giant box of Life

Trader Joe's Oatmeal Complete packets

Trader Joe's Shredded Bite Sized Wheats

Trader Joe's Twigs, Flakes and Clusters

Trader Joes Triple Nut and Flakes reduced Sugar Cereal

Trader Joe's Organic High Fiber O's

(My findings made me uber cranky by the way.)

In case you didn't count what's up in that list, let me inform: there are 16 boxes of cereal up there. So I'm going to start eating up that cereal. Even if I don't like it. I KNOW. Character building. And judging from the high fiber content of most of it, I may not have time to post tomorrow.

To my kids: if you find me dead because I willfully ate cereal with a 2008 date on it, then buy the cheapest coffin you can find and bury me next to your dad.

Economy Eblonomy

How cute is this little viking?

I KNOW. That's my Henry R. And he's looking at his Gram. See the adoration? And get a load of the chin. I KNOW!

Switching gears....



People.

There's an economic crisis going on.

And we need to discuss because it has hit the Mommacita. So I've been trying to come up with ways to stretch my dolla bill. And please know, that if you have a shred of decency in you at all, you will share your economic crisis tips with me as well.



This may or may not be a threat, but if I become poor, then you will have a needy widow on your hands and then poof, there goes your wide variety of choices in life: You will feel strongly compelled to help me. And then you might resent me. But every day, when you read your scriptures, the compelling need to help the lonely widow is going to hit you again and again in the face and in your heart of hearts you'll know you'll have to lift up my weary arms that hang down and pick me up out of the gutter. And then you'll be tired and you might find yourself complaining about that and you'll say to yourself, "Why doesn't that pathetic Mommacita do something to help her own bad self???



So in order to keep our emotional health uncluttered, let's start a little economic crisis tip list.
How's about we call it the "Economic Crisis Tip List"?



Start the Dance Music.



Economic Crisis Tip List Number 1* (or ECTL for short (I'm a big fan of using initials and then slurring them together to form a new word. ECTL would be pronounced eek-tell. See? it's fun!))

1. Make and then reuse your own ice cubes. This will save you $1.49.

I've started making my own ice. I can do this because excellent water flows from my hometown tap, AND there's an economic crisis going on. I still love the store bought stuff, but I'm saving $1.49 on every bag of ice. So I think ahead and make myself 2 trays of ice, and then when I need a beverage I fill the glass TO THE TOP (very important component) with delicious homemade ice and pour in my beverage, drink it, (always using a straw) and then I put the glass and the used ice back in the freezer. Then when I'm thirsty again, I get my glass out and repeat the process. Except for I always treat myself to a fresh straw. They're cheap.



Yep. I'm reusing ice. And if this makes me a bag lady then so be it. I have found that you can reuse your ice up to 4 or 5 times. After that, you take a good long look at what you're doing, you get a little sick to your stomach, and then you tell yourself that $1.49 or not you need to make yourself stop and get some fresh ice.


I have never suffered any effects of dysentary or vomiting.


I do it all for you, people.

OK. That's not the whole truth. I do it all for you, and I do it to try and control the universe.


So enjoy your $1.49 After you've reused enough ice to equal 6 or 7 bags of ice, you can treat yourself to a movie. You can probably do it in as little as 4 months. That's 3 movies in one year. You can make it 4 or 5 if you go to the matinee. Hot diggittey.



*You know there will be more.

Travelmony. Since it's the First Monday of the Month.

Bueno Bueno.

I have been gone for 2 1/2 weeks, and I tried to trick you all by writing blogs about Family Feud. I was in the Bahamas, visiting my little man Henry R. SnugglieBaby. I didn't want anyone to break into my house and steal my giant TV from 1985 so I didn't broadcast my absence. I don't have anything worth stealing (no jewelery, no electronics, no cash, but a lot of bags for good will) but it is kind of the principle of the thing. I don't like uninvited people looking at my outdated food in my cupboards.

I've pretty much been laying on my bed, my luscious luscious bed, (which if I were a thief, I would notice that it is the only thing of value in my house but who wants somebody else's bed with all their sluffed off dead skin all over it) anyway, I've been laying on my bed since I got home, eating cheese and grapes and English muffin bread toast and watching all the stuff that DVR'd while I was gone. Jet lag recovery I like to call it, so's not to feel guilt or shame. Not that I would. Well, I might.

So if you're bogged down in snow, sleet, ice, rain, wind or the like, I testify to you that there IS a place on this earth where the temperature hovers around 70 degrees, the ocean breeze whispers across your sunkissed cheek, the evening causes you to run to the window and watch the sun set over the ocean, (the prettiest shade of pink causes an ever so slight coo), the people warmly say hello to you when you and a baby stroller pass them on the sidewalk, and you don't have to wear even a sweater ever ever ever. Unless you want to for your outfit.



Just so you don't feel super bad, I didn't put a real picture up there. It's a painting on velvet that I found on the Internet, which should cause repulsion and gagging instead of longing and sadness.


Don't ever accuse me of not being plugged in to the feelings of others.

You're welcome.

PS I was never bored even though I might have hinted before that I was. Just keeping it real.