Bring on the Government Intervention

When we were dating, the Tim-o-tee used to say that when people got old, their blood was brown.

Really? Is this what you say to a beautiful girl to get her to marry you? Really?

He loved my horrified reaction. So he tried to think of more horrifying things to reel me in. Like this: I think the government should withhold food and medication from the elderly. I would giggle and then he would nod his head and then hold his mouth all serious and not blink. It was all a ruse to get me to touch him. I would give him a little push and then he would grab my hand and not give it back. Then he would say: Think of all the money that would save. BILLIONS!! He'd always say billions like it really was going to happen.

Really? I'm trying to get to know you, and now I know you want the government to kill old people? Really?

This last weekend I spent with Tim's siblings and his mother at the sibling rivalry reunion. The mother is getting old. The siblings are getting old. The one and only non sibling (me) is getting old. I noticed bad backs and gray hairs and bottles of pills. And I think I saw brown blood when I had a hangnail go bad on me.

It's so like Tim to go before his blood got brown.

I need to go sit on the couch now.



PS IF any of you out there are a future employer, please know the writer of this blog does not, nor ever will condone withholding food or medication from the elderly at the hands of the government of the United States of America or at the hands of anyone else including yourself. This blog has never been political, and never will be because I'm only about stupid things(exceot for the posts about my grankids, those are FAR from stupid). But, I just started thinking about that title up there, and then I started thinking about all you wackies out there who might read this thing and then I started thinking about how people might get the wrong idea and not know it's supposed to be a joke, A JOKE and now I find myself in the middle of this here big ol' disclaimer. Oh boy, now I'm just making myself even more tired and now I'm going to REALLY sit on the couch, and fall asleep with the remote in my hand and I'm going to cradle it in my arms like it is a little tiny baby with bright happy red blood.

hummmph.

Sawyer Timothy....Why Yes, He IS a Delicious Morsel. Thank You for Noticing

Yep. That's me. And SoyBean. On Sunday, his blessing day. It was right after the event actually. In this shot, I was asking him if he had seen Grandpa Tim. (In heaven, or, ten minutes ago, I wasn't picky) He looked right into my eyes and smiled and then concentrated real hard and during the concentrating those little lips actually said "whao". Which we all know means: Yes most beloved grandmother.

And since we're on the subject of SoyBoy, today I saw the little Mister again. After he was fed, and burped and changed, I looked into his sweet face, and in an effort to entertain, I stuck my tongue in and out and in and out again. He looked right into my eyes, smiled, he concentrated real hard, and then lo and behold during the concentrating I saw that little tongue go in and out and in and out again.

Seriously. Be still my beating heart.

So Yeah. I'm totally clued into his learning patterns. And Yeah. Tim and SoyBean are definitely buddies.

A Sunday Evening Email from a Dear Friend AND a Bob Costas Update

Dear Mommacita:

I think that is it time for you to move on and find a new boyfriend

Sorry about your luck.

Carol

Oh boy.

PS (this ps is not part of the email, it is merely me trying to make the world a better place.)

I didn't watch the Superbowl. This is my privilege as a widow. However, when I flipped on the TV this morning to catch my FAVORITE SINGING GROUP THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR, the TV happened to be on the Pre Pre Pre Pre Pre a million times Pre Game show with Bob Costas. I said Duh-aaaaaaaaaang when I saw him..... ...even though

1. It was the Sabbath,

and

2. I was alone and it takes a lot for me to speak out loud to my own lil' self.

The Costas' hair was clearly 5 times as dark as it was during the Olympic Games. IT WAS. Holy Grecian Formula Batman. Did any of you notice that? Did you? Huh?

Then tonight while I was at Dubers and Lars', He was on the Post Post Post Game Show. His hair had lightened during the Superbowl. I had to stop myself from snorting.


I SWEAR to you this is true. And truth always makes the world a better place. It does. And you know it. And I'm talking to you, Mr. Michael Phelps. And you too Bob Ridiculously Fakey Hair.

Best Friends Forever

Yesterday, whilst in the dental chair (I can show you more photos of people that were there if you want... What's that you say? You want?

Oh yeah. This guy was in his regalia in the waiting room.


Anyway, we're not about that today. Today we're talking about Nitrous. My best friend, Nitrous Oxide. I love it and want to marry it for whenever I am at the Dental School. In fact we did get married in a ceremony yesterday afternoon during a crown prep. And here's what our conversation sounded like. Totally in my head, but trust me, the nitrous was talking to me.

Nitrous Oxide: Knock Knock
Mommactia: Who's there?

Nitrous: The deliverer from evil.
Mommacita: Deliverer from evil who?

Nitrous: Deliverer from Evil Kneivel
Mommacita: That's not even the least bit funny. Snifffffffff

Mommacita: Hey wait a minute... I think it is.... Let me check.....Yep! It is So STINTKING FUNNY! You are Hilarious and now I must breathe deep. The gathering gloom. Wait. Doesn't apply.
Nitrous: Are you under yet?

Mommacita: Slobber Bauber Bo Bobber, Banana Fanna Feau Fadder, Me My Moe Mauber, SLOBBER.
Nitrous: Great. Now. You don't even notice your Dentist and his big ol' shot needles right?

Mommacita: Well. I'm noticing. But who cares? Not me me me me me me me. Oh yeah. Not me.
Nitrous Mommacita: Hey Mommacita. Let's try and remember everything you experience so you can use it for blog fodder.

Mommactia: OK . GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRReat Idea. Did I just say Great Idea? Because I meant to say GREAT IDEA
Nitrous Mommacita: (exhale) So what can you remember?

Mommacita: I think my legs have fallen off. But it's OK because I'm never ever leaving this chair ever again. Or my nitrous wytrous.

Mommacita: Hey wait. I think I can hear a conversation that is way over across the room. No. Wait. That's right next door here. But I can only hear every 3rd word. They're loud, they're soft, they're loud they're soft. They are talking about pizza. And teeth. Same diff.
Nitrous Mommacita: Not so sure that's happening Mommacita.


Mommacita: Sunday, Monday Happy Days.....
Nitrous Mommacita: Wha?

Mommacita: Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.......
Nitrous Mommacita: Oh Boy.


Mommacita: Thursday, Friday, Happy Days! Saturday! What a Day! Rockin' all week with You! (do do doo do)
Mommacita: So I've got a question for you Nitrous Mommacita...

NM: Shoot
Mommacita: So when you have nitrous, are you supposed to pretend that you are lucid? Or can you shut your eyes and fly over mountains? If you shut your eyes, will they think you've gone byby? Because I don't want them to think I've gone by by and shut it off and make me have those grindings and pokings and pullings without my beloved mountains. A girl needs her beloved mountains for a crown prep.

NM: So you're wanting to know if you should fake enjoying the nitrius or not? Um, Wait. WAIT Danger...Will Robinson...Danger!! We're loosing cabin pressure. We're going down...DOWN

Mommacita: Sniff? SNIFF?? SNIFFSsniffSNIFFsnifffSNIFFF???? DR. DubersDIBIBLERS! The tank is empty...Switch the tank....Hello! THE TANK! THE TANK! HELLO! My Beloved TANK!!!!
NM: Good Save Mommacita. Good Save. It's things like this that make us evaluate the good things in life, and concentrate on just enjoying the here and now. How's about we do that for the rest of the crown prep?

Mommacita: You're right. You're so very very right. In fact a little drool right now would complete me. And that little drooley throaty sound that I learned from Homer Simpson? Done.

Mommacita: Man, I just love this stuff.
Nitrous Mommacita: Amen Sista

Andrew's World

I opened my email this morning to find an article about this man, Andrew Wyeth, who died on January 16, 2009. An American treasure is gone. Many years ago I went to the big city, because a traveling exhibit of his controversial 'Helga' paintings was being shown in the museum there.

It did not disappoint. I remember being struck with the sensitivity that this man had to every bit of light and design and color. And his skill! I had never seen the likes of it! I almost felt like I knew Mr. Wyeth personally, because there his heart was on a canvas, explaining it to me. I remember 'Helga' taking my breath away, and I marveled at the capacity of mankind to do something magnificent. I went home inspired, hoping to do better at developing myself.





So, Andrew Wyeth, Thank you for your hard work and your dedication to your craft. And thanks for helping me to know that people can see the world in a beautiful light.



I love knowing what you felt and saw.

Goodbye Mr. Wyeth

Things I May or May Not Have Enjoyed Seeing in the Dental School Waiting Room Today

I told you I was BACK. You didn't believe me. But you should have because Mommacita's endless dribble is BACK.

So.

Today, while other folks had a ticket to an inauguration, I had a ticket to the Dental school. Bless my heart. My dentist kept me waiting, and it's not the first time in 26 years I've waited for him. OK. Not that true, because he has been annoyingly on time most of his life. Except for today. While I was sitting in the waiting area, (where I'm sort of suspicious that there might be head lice on my chair), I saw some things that were blog worthy.

Oh Share SHARE Mommactia I can hear you say. In fact, I think I hear you being quite enthusiastic about me sharing my day with you. And it's quite flattering I might add.

So. Let's share.

Number 1:

OK. I know you are not fooled by the reenactor above. But trust me. I saw this dude for reals. It was not a costume on a halloween website, and trust me, there was hair involved. And some major jiggling. Not that I don't jiggle now and again, but I wouldn't let my jiggling show in a Dental School. I'm too klassy for that. Stop judging. If you had a blog, you would be forced to purge on it too.

Number 2, because I remembered that you just love little kittie pictures:

This is also a reenactor. A reenactor of a couple, a man and a wife. who were sitting on the same, hard, maybe lice infested chairs that I was sitting in. But they were totally asleep. With their spines and heads totally erect. BOTH of them. Side by side. Not touching. Stiff as a board. It was pretty incredible really. Maybe you had to be there.

Number 3

OK. This time the picture is a reenactor. There was this guy there that I did one of those double takes on. He was Sidney Poitier in the flesh. It really might have been him and you know it. Because maybe his son or daughter is in dental school too. And maybe he's a really good parent too. And maybe Sidney Poitier would do anything, ANYTHING, to help his son or daughter. Like allowing them to put sharp and pointy things in his mouth and wiggle them (the sharp and pointy things) back and forth. I have always loved that Sidney Poitier, but now, I so totally respect and admire him. We're sharing a wave length, and nobody can take that away.

Oh. Yeah. That's right. Mommcita's dribble is back and now she's taken away 3 minutes of your life you'll never get back.

Number 4:

I saw a girl in pink keds and she looked really cute in them. And I said to myself: "I haven't seen pink keds in a long time and dang if they aren't the cutes."

Number 5:

This one is actually an imaginary reenactment. The Dental School had this little laptop set up on a chair (that may or may not have had lice on it) in the front of the waiting room and it was showing the inauguration of our 44th President, Barack Obama, the first African American President ever. Well, I use the term "showing" quite loosely. The image on the screen was blurred and frozen, and so we (and when I say we, I mean me, Sidney Poitier, and the girl in the pink keds because we were the only ones in a waiting room of about 50 people who were close enough to even know the laptop was there. And plugged in.)

As I was saying, "we" just had to imagine what was going on. But I heard it. I heard history being made. And there was a picture of Nancy Peloski frozen on the screen the whole time so that made it even specialer. Actually, I'm imagining that it was Nancy Peloski. I couldn't really tell. I could tell the person was female. So I guess it could have been Hillary. Or Michelle. Or Maleah or Sasha. Or Laura Bush. Was she there?

So a Big Ol' THANK YOU to the Duber's Dental School, for making the effort so that I, along with Mr. Poitier and pink ked girl, could witness this historic occasion. er, uh, hear it. er, uh, imagine it.

I will never forget what I imagined happened, on this historic day, with Sidney Poitier in the room by my side.

MLK , I'm BACK

I'm back. I'm back! I'M BACK I'M BACK I'M BACK!

No, I didn't say I'M BLACK, I said I'M BACK!!

So now that we've established that I'M BACK, but not BLACK, let's do some Martin Luther King Celebratin'.

I'm celebrating by being BACK . So I asked my kids how they were celebrating today, this federal holiday.......

Jaqueostinky said he was going celebrate today by shaking the hand of his favorite African American. Clever, AND timely.

Dubers said he and the Lars always watch a movie that celebrates an African American in some way. Clever, timely, AND fun.

When Schneebes was in college, she and her roommates would celebrate Black History by covering their living room walls with xeroxed pictures of famous African Americans. You know, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Booker T. Washington. All the greats. And they would throw in a celebrity or two...The one I remember distinctly was this young man who pittied po' fools:

Now you younger folks may not remember, but Mr. T. was pretty big stuff in his hay day because of his pittying po' fools. And his gold chains, which were mighty popular with the ladies and gents. In fact. If Mr. T. were big stuff today, he'd have a jewelry line on QVC and you all would be wearing Mr. T gulden accessories. No, I didn't misspell golden. Gulden is my made up word for things that are fake golden. It's kind of a play on the word 'gullible' and the word 'golden'. A play on words that I'm feeling is pretty clever right about now because I made it up right this second as I was typing along. But tomorrow I'm probably going to look at it and figure out that it is pretty stupid.

Anyway, back in the day, Mr T was so big that he was honored with one of these

And to put it in perspective for you, I found this. This proves to you youngsters the hugeness of Mr. T

Yeah. It kind of makes you hold your breath and evaluate yourself and your country a little, doesn't it?

I didn't talk to Mitch about what he was going to do today. So I'll have to just share a little story that is in keeping with the day. In Middle School he kept coming home and telling me about his girl friend. I would quickly retort that he was too little for a girlfriend. Then the next day He come home would tell me more about his girl friend. By the way, every time I would tell him he was too little. But apparently he wasn't because he had this girlfriend. That I denied. Because he was too little.

Anywho, I don't remember the girl's name at the moment. Lets say it was Chelsea. So I keep hearing about this Chelsea. Chelsea this and Chelsea that. Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea. A month later I go to a choir concert and they announce that Chelsea, Mitch's ChelseaChelseaChelsea, is singing a solo. I'm all Whoa... this is my big break....I'm certainly going to be checking out this girl that isn't my son's girlfriend as soon as she sings her big solo. So, as soon as it was little Miss ChelseaChelseaChelsea's turn to sing, I watched a beautiful little African American girl walk up to the microphone and belts out her number. I thought to myself: With all the details that I've heard of ChelseaChelseaChelsea in the past month, wouldn't African American be one of the details that might have been included in the description? Along with brown eyes and pretty smile? Is it me?

And thus we easily conclude on this holiday for Martin Luther King:

Even in middle school, LOVE indeed KNOWS NO COLOR.

You know little kittie pictures are your favorite.

So Martin Luther King, wherever you are, thank you for helping our world be a better place. Thank you for the truths you taught and the way you taught them. The world is certainly a better place because of you. And you did it without blogging. Pretty dern fabulous.

Happy Martin Luther King Day Everyone! Now go out there and make the world a better place.

I'm BACK!!

P.S.

I know you were wondering about Sawyer Timothy.

He is sleeping for MLK Day. And with beautiful precision I might add.

P.S.S

I realize that I am not making the world a better place by putting my beautiful beautiful grandson and a Brittney Chia Head in the same post.

Tre

Deja vu. Here we go again. Three peet. Opps I did it again. Repeat after me: I have finally met my grandson. The third of three. And HE IS A DOOSEE!! And I am in love with him. It shouldn't amaze me, but it does, that 2 months from yesterday I didn't know one of those three little boys, and now, they are my little men.

And so, for the third time in two months, I present to you a beautiful beautiful child, the first born of Dubers and Larsa.....

This is my favorite shot. He is having his hearing tested, but you can clearly see, the Mommacita chin lives on, yet again.

First bath, first family photo, first day home, happiest of parents

Sawyer has biliruben issues, but not to worry. He happily wears his glo in the dark blankie 24/7. Except for bathing. And swimming. And diving. Oh, and notice how he problem solves when it shines in his eyes. I think I smell a Valedictorian.

Self Portraits of Sawyer and his Dad. Self Portrait of Sawyer and his Dad in the middle of the night. Self Portrait of Sawyer and his Dad in the middle of the night when his Mommy is fast asleep. Self Portrait of Sawyer and his Dad in the middle of the night when his Mommy is fast asleep that is entitled "Glow Worm". I think it should be called Glow WormS. WORMS. As in Plural.

Imprinting.

This makes my heart all squishy and solft.

Hat Trick*

Today, while I was giving Benjamin Timothy his bath,

I was able to tell him about his new cousin,

Sawyer Timothy

who was born last night, January 2, 2009, at 9:53 pm, and weighed in at at 6 pounds 13 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long. And a little bit of brownie blondie hair and mustache. Of course you know I'm just kidding about the stache. Dubers says he has his nose. We were hoping for a total Larsa because she is cute.

Now I have a long and skinny lil' dude to finish out the trifecta of Mommacita grandsons.

We are especially excited for the ordeal to be over for his mommy, who started the whole thing last year, on Dec. 31st. (insert the largest frowny face you can imagine here). However, last night before he was born we must admit that we did enjoy saying that Lars had been in labor ALL YEAR.

Sometimes I really crack myself up.

ps. I hate to be blunt, but experience has taught me that some of you are slow. That is why I only have a few readers. Because I insult them. Anyway, The above picture is of Ben. Not Sawyer. Or Henry.

*3 goals in a row in a hockey game. I don't mean to insult you this time, but I thought I'd better tell you the meaning of Hat Trick because 10 minutes ago I learned about it from the Jaque-o. And I only insult you on the things I know but you don't. Because this is my blog.

What Two Women Might Do to a Really Nice Man's First Born Son

Oh I have met him. I have sniffed him and touched him and put his whole tiny head in my hand. And I flopped his tiny head around with embarrassment because I was used to Other Baby's head and neck. But I adjusted quickly and he is DEE- EEE- EEEE- LICIOUS.

Emphasis on licious. But let's talk about THE HAIR. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh the hair. Never has our family seen the likes of THE HAIR. We talk of THE HAIR. We touch THE HAIR. We look at THE HAIR. We dream of the days that peanut butter will be stuck in THE HAIR. We can't believe THE HAIR. It is only fitting that I show you THE HAIR.

So I present to you, my couple of readers, THE HAIR:

I like to call this shot, depth and breadth.

Bed Head

Bjorn Head

Wet Head

Regular Look Head

Ed Grimley Head

Alfalfa Head

In memory of Tim, Pat Riley Head

Mohawk Head

(You knew I'd do a mohawk)

Conan O'Brian Head

Hope you enjoyed the really big show. I know I did.