I'm headed for this. It is most distressing. The good news is that if I want to, I can gain a lot more weight and still be OK. I don't really want to, and frankly that would be horrifying, but there's not very many times one can say that its ok to weigh in at 500, so I better make hay while the sun shines. I found out the other day that I have 2 broken toes. I broke my toes standing at the island slaving away (as per usual) for my family at Christmas time. I wasn't skiing. I wasn't running. I wasn't stubbing. I WAS STANDING. I 'm sure I broke them because of years and years of doing the same thing. (slaving for my family). Yep, it IS rather convenient to find out the week before Mother's day that I broke my toes giving and giving and giving to my family. You can bet I won't be forgetting this anytime soon. And yes, I've been walking around on broken toes for 5 months, but don't you worry about me. Did I mention I'm a widow?
Unfortunately, necessity dictates I do this.
Here is a timeline for purchasing my lil' rascal scooter, preferably shiny and red:
1. Lay on couch watching House: break 3rd rib on left side
2. Reach for phone from couch: break elbow
3. Fast Forward DVR during commercial on House all while on couch: break pointer finger on right hand
4. Write blog, not from couch, but from chushy chair: break pelvis
5. Dig through purse looking for reading glasses: break shoulder
6. Open eyes in the morning: Fracture skull
7. Put on socks: foot comes right off in hand.
To my children: I do and do and do for you until my toes are broken off. I warned you this would happen someday. For mother's day, I'd like a pint sized American flag to go on the back of my scooter that you put me in. And I'd like one of those sticks to put it on that is 6 feet tall. And make sure it is springy so it waves back and forth. Cause I'm proud to be an American in the most unusual way.
Whooooooooosh
8 comments:
how bout' a bumper sticker that says 'WORLD'S BEST MOM AND GRANDMA' to put on the back of your rascal? I could probably find one of those to go along with your pint size flag.
I'm sorry you broke your toes. Thats no fun.
YOU broke my toes
laughing... out loud... really, laughing too hard to think of anything funny to say in my comment.
I think a horn that plays that rebel yell thing from the Dukes of Hazzard would also be an awesome addition to your lil' rascal!
Hope the toes heal...I think at the very least you should get some new sandals or something out of it!
yeah, YEAH! Good points!! Love the points!!!
So I found you as I was blog-hopping around, I don't even remember how I got here.
But I want to say you are hilarious, the world is better because of this blog, and I'll be checking back often.
Have a great Mother's Day.
Came here from Taryn's blog. I am craving the medical details about how one can break one's toes standing at the kitchen island. Is the tile too hard? Were the shoes too tight? Or--as is often the case on House--were you exposed to toxic chemicals or parasites or have an auto-immune disease?
At this point I hope you are not kidding about that watching House thing (not the broken rib and finger, just the watching) because House is the favorite show at our house. It is, in fact, the only show that we all watch together every week (with a bit of concern this past Monday about my teenage sons watching all of that exposed female flesh). But, wow!, wasn't that a great episode?! My husband even caught himself thinking about it mid-week wondering what next week will bring, and then laughed outloud that he has been sucked into a doctor-relationship-soap opera drama.
Carolyn, You are smart. Auto Immune is the winning suitcase.
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