This post is dedicated to a friend of Matt's, (my favorite son in law.) Matt's friend is named Paul and Paul is all alone on a Caribbean island. Poor Poor Paul. Just him and his books and a Caribbean Island and no wife because she is off to a family reunion in the states, and no study buddy, because Matt and Leigh are in Utah for Matt to have a ruptured disc taken care of (Matt's Mother in Law is such a peach...announcing to the world his hippa business. Please oh please don't let this come back to bite me..)
Leigh said to give Paul a shout out, because ladies and germs, HE READS MY BLOG. Paul you are my favorite, because you read this blog. You know how people stalk blogs?
Leigh said to give Paul a shout out, because ladies and germs, HE READS MY BLOG. Paul you are my favorite, because you read this blog. You know how people stalk blogs?
Well news flash: Mommacita stalks readers.
Paul, this post is just for you:
Here are some delightful tips for anyone that finds themselves living alone.
Tip#1: Get to know your TV guide. You and your TV guide will now have a relationship. (When you read that last sentence Paul, you say 'relationship' in a singy songy voice. Don't question me Paul. I'm right.)
Tip #2: Eat whenever you feel like it. I'm not saying stuff your face all the time, I'm saying you don't have to have dinner at 6:00 sharp. This might be great only if you are the one that has made sure dinner was on the table at 6:00 every night for 26 years. If that is the case Paul, then you will feel quite liberated.
Tip#3: Eat in front of the TV. (see tip#1) You will love love love eating in front of the TV. It is the best because you can't hear yourself chew or swallow. And that makes for better gastronomic success in the long run. wink wink
Tip #4: Go to bed when you want. This is fun, and you have to take the fun parts of living alone and RUN with them.
Tip #5: You can go a day without making your bed and no one will know. Or care. I suggest, however, that you don't become a total slob. You will have to sleep in your bed at night, and you know that you love a comfy bed.
Tip #6: Watch an episode of the Gilmore Girls each night before you fall asleep. After your prayers of course. This will help you to not notice your aloneness. Even though this is a girlie show, and most men think they talk too fast on that show, you need to give it a chance Paul. You will glean a lot of good lines that you can use in witty conversation in your dreams and the next day at med school. You will dazzle. Again. Trust.
Tip #7: If you must read in bed, all books, magazines, pens, pencils, scripture marking pencils, reading glasses and the like can be kept on the side of the bed that no one sleeps in. This is highly convenient. I thought I was becoming a weirdo by doing this, but then I saw the movie "Dan in Real Life" and I noticed right away that the character played by the guy that plays Michael on the "Office" did it too. This is evidence of universal behavior and must be embraced. Those of you out there not living alone, if you are feeling yourself start to judge, why don't you try to celebrate diversity once in awhile???? No. I am not sensitive at all.
Tip #8: Buy lots of underwear, and then you only do laundry hardly ever. OK. I admit it. I don't do this. I just threw this in because I know you are a guy and you'd probably like it.
Tip #9: Maybe throw in a can of cashews by the books, magazines, etc. on the bed. You never know when you might need a little protein.
Tip #10: If you start to feel lonely, then say to yourself 3 times, "You are my destiny". This will make you laugh at yourself and you will think you are so funny that you love to be around yourself. Then you say to yourself, "Aren't you the funny girl/guy that I get to live with" and then you say "Yes, yes why yes I am" and then you look in the mirror and think "That person is ridiculous I've got to get out of here." and then you go get the TV guide. OK. This tip isn't the best. But I can see it working. Just try it and let me know how it goes.
Here are some delightful tips for anyone that finds themselves living alone.
Tip#1: Get to know your TV guide. You and your TV guide will now have a relationship. (When you read that last sentence Paul, you say 'relationship' in a singy songy voice. Don't question me Paul. I'm right.)
Tip #2: Eat whenever you feel like it. I'm not saying stuff your face all the time, I'm saying you don't have to have dinner at 6:00 sharp. This might be great only if you are the one that has made sure dinner was on the table at 6:00 every night for 26 years. If that is the case Paul, then you will feel quite liberated.
Tip#3: Eat in front of the TV. (see tip#1) You will love love love eating in front of the TV. It is the best because you can't hear yourself chew or swallow. And that makes for better gastronomic success in the long run. wink wink
Tip #4: Go to bed when you want. This is fun, and you have to take the fun parts of living alone and RUN with them.
Tip #5: You can go a day without making your bed and no one will know. Or care. I suggest, however, that you don't become a total slob. You will have to sleep in your bed at night, and you know that you love a comfy bed.
Tip #6: Watch an episode of the Gilmore Girls each night before you fall asleep. After your prayers of course. This will help you to not notice your aloneness. Even though this is a girlie show, and most men think they talk too fast on that show, you need to give it a chance Paul. You will glean a lot of good lines that you can use in witty conversation in your dreams and the next day at med school. You will dazzle. Again. Trust.
Tip #7: If you must read in bed, all books, magazines, pens, pencils, scripture marking pencils, reading glasses and the like can be kept on the side of the bed that no one sleeps in. This is highly convenient. I thought I was becoming a weirdo by doing this, but then I saw the movie "Dan in Real Life" and I noticed right away that the character played by the guy that plays Michael on the "Office" did it too. This is evidence of universal behavior and must be embraced. Those of you out there not living alone, if you are feeling yourself start to judge, why don't you try to celebrate diversity once in awhile???? No. I am not sensitive at all.
Tip #8: Buy lots of underwear, and then you only do laundry hardly ever. OK. I admit it. I don't do this. I just threw this in because I know you are a guy and you'd probably like it.
Tip #9: Maybe throw in a can of cashews by the books, magazines, etc. on the bed. You never know when you might need a little protein.
Tip #10: If you start to feel lonely, then say to yourself 3 times, "You are my destiny". This will make you laugh at yourself and you will think you are so funny that you love to be around yourself. Then you say to yourself, "Aren't you the funny girl/guy that I get to live with" and then you say "Yes, yes why yes I am" and then you look in the mirror and think "That person is ridiculous I've got to get out of here." and then you go get the TV guide. OK. This tip isn't the best. But I can see it working. Just try it and let me know how it goes.
Any mirror will do Paul
Good Luck Paul. You can do it. I just know you can. And thanks for your undying support.
10 comments:
ok.
1) i have roommates so i don't live alone but i live single, so many things just completely gave me new ideas. between ripping off annie's art projects and you making me feel completely guilt free about watching tv and eating all the time, you garlocks are keeping me quite happy.
2) i just noticed on google reader you have 11 subscribers. 11!!! that means out of the people you know that USE google reader (a thingy where you choose which blogs and websites you always want to be updated on, and then it lets you know whenever there's a new post of any sort) 11 of them MUST KNOW when mommacita has brung it. because they can't handle missing even one! and then there are probably millions of other people that read your blog that haven't discovered google reader, because, they just haven't.
how's THAT for an ego massage????
and where'd you find that picture of my boyfriend checking himself in my car mirror?!?!
Wows I have 11 boyfriends on Google reader? Don't ask me how I know they are all my boyfriends. But I just know all 11 are boyfriends.
Mom, "I notice you today!" hee hee. This was a great post. I like the idea of keeping books on the side of the bed where the 'significant other' would/should be. As you know, come september matt and I will be in two different countries...
i do that--that keeping things on the other side of the bed thing!! isn't THAT the best!
This is hilarious! When I was between marriages, I often ate mexican dip for dinner. In front of the TV. At 8 or 9 p.m.
And Gilmore Girls is a delight for all, whether single or coupled. Although as I've blogged about myself, it can sometimes cause anxiety for the other side of the couple when one begins dreaming about handsome diner-owners.
I will be forwarding this to Go when we are apart in a couple of weeks. I think, however, that Gilmore Girls may be replaced with 60 Minutes and he will dream of Andy Rooney and wake up the next day and dazzle his attendings with that old man crankiness that surgeons are so fond of.
I'm going to try tip 10. I don't live by myself but I really think it will lift my spirits. (Mainly because it will remind me of how funny Mommacita is.)
I totally do the other side of the bed thing and only recycle when there is no longer room for me in the bed. So sad.
I also eat WHATEVER I want, which lately is cottage cheese and pico de gallo, but I only live totally alone(without kids)three nights a week.
Yes it's strange Gilmore Girls helps one to become more witty. And I wish I understood all the references. Maybe someday, but when I do get one I laugh and laugh
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