Makeup Removal

Today We're talking about Make-up.  Maybe its because it might be on my mind from confessing about my eyebrows.  Maybe its from having a dream about Glitch being in a skit while shaving my head as I lay sleeping.    Despite the reason, you're getting my psychotic views on make-up, or more precisely, my psychotic views on makeup and the aging American Caucasian Woman.

My big question today is:    

HOW LONG IN AN AGING AMERICAN CAUCASIAN WOMAN'S LIFE  

(assuming she is NOT a natural beauty and is CLEARLY a woman who needs to wear 

makeup every stinking day of  her life)  

DOES SAID WOMAN HAVE TO CONTINUE WITH THE PURCHASING 

OF MAKEUP, THE APPLYING OF MAKEUP, THE TOUCHING UP OF MAKEUP, AND THE REMOVING OF MAKEUP?  

Or in other words...  is there an end to my maddeningly boring makeup ritual?  Is there mercy in this lifetime?  Is there?  IS THERE????? 

I've been doing an informal study over the past, say, 500 months.  I have been studying the faces of women who are at least 10 years older than I am (yes, I am at least 500 months old.  At first I wasn't sure, but now I am because I just did the math on a calculator that (oddly enough) has keys that are 1 inch by 1 inch so aging people can see them)

While studying, my feelings went from a "hmm-m how odd" to full on fear.

These are some of the things that I fear:

1.)     I fear I will become that woman who doesn't know that less is more.  You know her.  Eyelids a little too turquoise, lips a little to red, cheeks a little too circular, skin a little too puttied.  I fear that sometimes I have crossed that line.  I have tendencies.  Particularly when I'm experimenting with some eyeshadow that was free in a gift with purchase that if truth be told, I know is wrong for me but I just keep trying to put that square peg in a round hole.

It could happen

2.)      I fear that I will become that woman who can't see and her kids should step up to the plate and take away her lip liner so that she doesn't go to church with "Plum Crazy" eyebrows.  Don't scoff.  I know a person who did this.  I also saw a woman who drew her eyebrows ABOVE her real eyebrows.   And all four corners were squared off as if a stencil was used with a can of spray paint.  The whole thing was a rectangle arch situation.  I became paralyzed, absolutely paralyzed with fear.  She had double eyebrows.  Like a rainbow.  The top set were dark.  The bottom set were hairy.  I couldn't stop starring.  Or feeling scared.  I think this is the woman who I fear the most. 

 No eyebrows AND outside the lines.  Behold my future

3.)     I also fear I will be that woman that says waaaaaaaaaay too soon, "Hey, I'm over (insert age here), so I don't need makeup any more" and so she, after covering her age spots up for (insert number here) years,  just relaxes and lets them flap in the breeze.  Like a tush in a hospital gown.    I especially don't care that when 'flap in the breeze woman'  was 13, she and her friend down the street used to lay out in the sun with baby oil smeared on every surface while listening to the Monkeys on KPIX Radio and were even known to call the station to request a song for a boy named David Croft that someone not me was crushing on.  Should anyone have to look at  45 year old sun damage or a tush that is flapping before they absolutely have to??.

they don't call 'em liver spots for nothin'

I could avoid all this dopey stuff if only I turned down the vanity knob a notch or two.  

But then I would have to blog about my fears of loosing my inner beauty as I age, due to repressed anger from man's inhumanity to man. 

You like the shallow me.  I just know it.