Tonight I watched the news. Our local newscast always has some sort of animal-ish story. All About Animals I like to call it. It's usually about doggies or kitties. Tonight's story was about a man who was fishing, and he found an osprey tangled up in fishing line laying beak down in the water. He gave it "mouth to beak" resuscitation. The bird, whose beak by the way was big and long and very very pointy lived and flew away. The resuscitator was on the evening news.
OK. I'm just saying that if I find a passed out osprey laying by the side of the stream someday, I'm not going to be giving it mouth to beak. I'm just not.
So yeah. I got myself out of bed, I'm sitting here with bare feet in my nightgown, so I can put this tidbit on my blog for who knows what reason.
If anyone out there knows why I am compelled to do such a thing, please enlighten me.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Really Big Show
On Saturday I attended the Sister's Quilt Show in Sisters, Oregon with the quilting girls. I'm not sure I've ever blogged about the quilting girls, because,
The water is a quilt. Clever huh?
a. I'm not so sure that they'd appreciate it,
b. there are hippa laws,
c. they might throw me out of the group for it, and
d. they were all there for me when Timmers was dying, so they deserve not to
be thrown under the bus.
I love them and I am guaranteed at least one big belly laugh whenever we get together. Saturday did not disappoint.
At the Sister's quilt show, on every second Saturday in July, the little cowboy community of Sisters, Oregon takes a ba-jillion quilts and hangs them outdoors and quilters (women over 45)come in by the busloads to walk around the streets of Sisters to look at them and act like girls who have finally been cut loose from the restraints of everyday life (lots of high pitch giggling, matching group vests/visors/hats/socks/t-shirts (that have things like "sewing chicks" embroidered on them )) I did a fair amount of sitting this year, and I am an observer by nature, and I am not making this stuff up.
It is now time for a blog visual.
.
This is the poster that advertised last year's event.
The water is a quilt. Clever huh?
Here is this year's
But like life itself, with the good, you sometimes get the bad and the ugly.
The car goes slower. Necks are craned. Gasps are heard. Bommacita bursts, literally BURSTS into laughter. Other things almost burst right along with it.
The woman is a quilter, feeling free from the restraints of life through quilting. And flowers. You can purchase this poster, and totes, and t-shirts and other marketing paraphernalia at the show. Along with kettle corn. Which I quite enjoyed, by the way, because Betti, (not her real name, however she happens to be one) who is one of the quilting girls DID purchase some hot fresh kettle corn and shared it with the group and I publicly thank her. Betti, as usual, you are generous.
I get sidetracked so easily. Anyway, if you are lucky, at the show you can see some nice things:
But like life itself, with the good, you sometimes get the bad and the ugly.
I don't know what the above is, was, or needs to be.... but what ever it is, was, or needs to be, It was oh so real, it was perplexing, and there were 2 of them. And people were walking a wide circle around them so as not to have any taint rub off on them.
One thing the quilting girls (not to be confused with sewing chicks....we have no identifying or embroidered clothing...) like to do together is go to quilt stores, so we traveled a little south of Sisters and went to 3 stores in Bend. As we were traveling along in the car, minding our own beeswax, this was the conversation that took place:
One thing the quilting girls (not to be confused with sewing chicks....we have no identifying or embroidered clothing...) like to do together is go to quilt stores, so we traveled a little south of Sisters and went to 3 stores in Bend. As we were traveling along in the car, minding our own beeswax, this was the conversation that took place:
Boan: Hey! Look at that guy on that bicycle!! He's wearing a loin cloth!
Betti, Barol, Bancy, Bebbie, and Bommacita: What? Where?
Boan: Over there! THERE! (points to the left)
Boan: Barol! Turn the car around! Hurry up! There's a guy with a loin cloth on! We need another look!
Bommacita the realist: That guy doesn't have a loin cloth on. His shorts are just torn.
Boan: Yes it is! IT IS! Barol! Turn your car around.
Mind you now, we're all at least 50 years old. However, Barol turns the car around anyway. Great personal effort was involved. I continue to enjoy Betti's Kettle Corn.
Boan: Barol! Slow down! SLOW DOWN! He's got a LOIN CLOTH on I tell you! Betti! BETTI! Get a Picture of that!
Bommacita the realist: Oh My Gosh! That guy doesn't have a loin cloth on. His shorts are just torn.
Betti unrolls her window. Barol slows the car down. All six over 50 heads look to the right. Camera is put into position. I simultaneously hear the shutter click and see the guy.
.
.
The car goes slower. Necks are craned. Gasps are heard. Bommacita bursts, literally BURSTS into laughter. Other things almost burst right along with it.
.
It IS a loincloth. IT IS. It was made out of leather. Suede actually. It had a pocket. What is the thought process when you're making your loincloth that delivers you to the conclusion that you need a pocket on it? What kinds of stuff do you keep in your loincloth pocket? Wouldn't stuff in a loin pocket cause it to not lay smooth and flat? Isn't smooth and flat a loincloth goal that all loiners should keep in mind? Is that not critical for all those involved in the covering of one's loin?
.
.
Who does this? WHO?
.
I guess it doesn't matter who. But I'm lucky. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the barefoot guy in the Mohawk from Bend for being so kind when he got on his bike that afternoon, to carefully tuckie his loinie around his seatie to make sure that Bommacita would not have to see anything more than a leg. And it didn't hurt to leave the pocket empty. Thank you guy in the Mohawk. THANK YOU.
.
But guy in the mohawk, please, in the future, if you need to feel free from the restraints of life, please just put on some pants, grab a quilt, and run through some flowers with the 3 Sisters Mountains in the background.
But guy in the mohawk, please, in the future, if you need to feel free from the restraints of life, please just put on some pants, grab a quilt, and run through some flowers with the 3 Sisters Mountains in the background.
.
And please stay in Bend because you scare me just a teensy.
.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Adventures in Dysentery
My goal here is to write a tasteful post about vomiting and diarrhea, as moronic as that sounds. There will, by the way, be no visuals. I wish to maintain my Mommacita self respect here. My dignity has been compromised enough lately.
Exactly one week ago tomorrow, I ate a little something that wasn't supposed to be eaten, and found myself in the land of the Purge. As I lay on the bathroom floor moaning, (being quick to jump up as per required), and in between thoughts of wanting to blow my brains out, I began to wax philosophical. It's times like these where the Teacher really pounds in those lessons, because the learner is paying attention like crazy. Finally.
So I, the learner, decided that if every lesson we were supposed to learn on earth was taught in such a manner (if you eat that salmon lying there on that buffet, you will pay and pay and pay right into your toilet bowl) then we might not go around learning and relearning what not to do. Case in point: I have learned my lesson. I will never again eat salmon on a buffet as long as I live. So-ooooooo not worth it. Well, I'm guessing it was salmon, because I'm not willing to rule out cake yet.
Anyway, I came up with a list of things that we as humans need to stop doing, things that should have the consequence of dysentery. I really think this would solve some of the world's greatest issues.
1. For the first item on my list, let's just include war, greed, man's inhumanity toward man, child abuse, murder, and every other crime that would end you up in prison. The bigger the crime the badder and the longer the dysentery. And I realize badder is not a real word. Anyway, our prisons would just be big huge bathrooms with a little cushion at the foot of the throne. And maybe the 'good behavior' prisoners would get a little cushion on the throne, to lay their aching head upon. Bernie Madoff, you would never leave the john. You too Ted Bundy.
2. Lying. If you tell a lie, then you are hit immediately. No waiting to get to the bathroom, just boom, there it is. There's no hiding it. Oh the lying in this world would decrease exponentially I tell you. And there'd be no more lying to yourself. When you tell yourself that your relationship with sugar is through, it would really be through. Or Boom....not so pretty. And just think of what this would mean for the newspapers, the politicians, the newscasters. We'd only hear reports on who is stuck in the men's room. Or ladies room. That might be fun.
3. Bad Music. Now this one is a little sticky. Because if you write bad music, not only you get hit with dysentery (man's inhumanity toward man) but everyone who hears your music would get hit as well. Bad music would be put to rest. A cosmic, natural censorship would take place. The world would learn self control. I'm for it.
4. Environmentalism. Now don't get me wrong. I love the earth, and I feel a personal responsibility to take care to it's beauty. But if people who litter were hit with the big D, then I wouldn't have to pay the 5 cent deposit on my cans. Yesterday I had to pay $1.80. And now I have to drag those empty cans back to the store. I HATE that. I hate saving them, I hate baggin them up, I hate loading them in the car, I hate putting them in the stupid machines and I hate the whole sticky process. As a plus, we would never have to listen to people argue about the environment. We'd just all do our part, to avoid the immediate unpleasant. And the intense cramping that goes along with it. Because believe you me, if somebody littered their can, and then they were hit with my consequence, then people would avoid the litterer like the plague. Oh a shunning would take place. And then there'd be more consequences. And more shunning. Until all the shunning and littering and polluting would stop forever. And I'd never have to bag up my cans ever ever again. Smiling just thinking about it.
5. You and I both know this list could go on forever. I think I have made my point. If you have more you would like to add, I'm open. But let's just say, that this whole experience affected me just like seeing the "Ten Commandments" did when I was a 10 year old child. I came out of the theater solemnly swearing that I would never ever commit another sin. Likewise, I would do anything to avoid another experience with Adventures in Dysentery. And so would all the liers, criminals cheaters, polluters and bad musicians out there.
And that's nothing but simple honest truth telling. And you can check me out on that . wink winkers.
.
Exactly one week ago tomorrow, I ate a little something that wasn't supposed to be eaten, and found myself in the land of the Purge. As I lay on the bathroom floor moaning, (being quick to jump up as per required), and in between thoughts of wanting to blow my brains out, I began to wax philosophical. It's times like these where the Teacher really pounds in those lessons, because the learner is paying attention like crazy. Finally.
So I, the learner, decided that if every lesson we were supposed to learn on earth was taught in such a manner (if you eat that salmon lying there on that buffet, you will pay and pay and pay right into your toilet bowl) then we might not go around learning and relearning what not to do. Case in point: I have learned my lesson. I will never again eat salmon on a buffet as long as I live. So-ooooooo not worth it. Well, I'm guessing it was salmon, because I'm not willing to rule out cake yet.
Anyway, I came up with a list of things that we as humans need to stop doing, things that should have the consequence of dysentery. I really think this would solve some of the world's greatest issues.
1. For the first item on my list, let's just include war, greed, man's inhumanity toward man, child abuse, murder, and every other crime that would end you up in prison. The bigger the crime the badder and the longer the dysentery. And I realize badder is not a real word. Anyway, our prisons would just be big huge bathrooms with a little cushion at the foot of the throne. And maybe the 'good behavior' prisoners would get a little cushion on the throne, to lay their aching head upon. Bernie Madoff, you would never leave the john. You too Ted Bundy.
2. Lying. If you tell a lie, then you are hit immediately. No waiting to get to the bathroom, just boom, there it is. There's no hiding it. Oh the lying in this world would decrease exponentially I tell you. And there'd be no more lying to yourself. When you tell yourself that your relationship with sugar is through, it would really be through. Or Boom....not so pretty. And just think of what this would mean for the newspapers, the politicians, the newscasters. We'd only hear reports on who is stuck in the men's room. Or ladies room. That might be fun.
3. Bad Music. Now this one is a little sticky. Because if you write bad music, not only you get hit with dysentery (man's inhumanity toward man) but everyone who hears your music would get hit as well. Bad music would be put to rest. A cosmic, natural censorship would take place. The world would learn self control. I'm for it.
4. Environmentalism. Now don't get me wrong. I love the earth, and I feel a personal responsibility to take care to it's beauty. But if people who litter were hit with the big D, then I wouldn't have to pay the 5 cent deposit on my cans. Yesterday I had to pay $1.80. And now I have to drag those empty cans back to the store. I HATE that. I hate saving them, I hate baggin them up, I hate loading them in the car, I hate putting them in the stupid machines and I hate the whole sticky process. As a plus, we would never have to listen to people argue about the environment. We'd just all do our part, to avoid the immediate unpleasant. And the intense cramping that goes along with it. Because believe you me, if somebody littered their can, and then they were hit with my consequence, then people would avoid the litterer like the plague. Oh a shunning would take place. And then there'd be more consequences. And more shunning. Until all the shunning and littering and polluting would stop forever. And I'd never have to bag up my cans ever ever again. Smiling just thinking about it.
5. You and I both know this list could go on forever. I think I have made my point. If you have more you would like to add, I'm open. But let's just say, that this whole experience affected me just like seeing the "Ten Commandments" did when I was a 10 year old child. I came out of the theater solemnly swearing that I would never ever commit another sin. Likewise, I would do anything to avoid another experience with Adventures in Dysentery. And so would all the liers, criminals cheaters, polluters and bad musicians out there.
And that's nothing but simple honest truth telling. And you can check me out on that . wink winkers.
.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Fairy Frost
.
Dear Someone Out There Who Likes Me,
We all know that I have been known to mock the sequined, the sparkly, the bo-jangled, and the be-dazzled in the past, however I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU from the bottom of my beating heart for the wonderful present you gave me last week. I loved the gift of being able to visit the fairy forest with my little darlin's Grace and Sophia. Little did I know that right across the street from me, the Fairy Forest has been in existence all these years. How come I never knew it? I'm pretty sure it has to do with not being able to hear the silver jingle bell from the Polar Express anymore either.
Anyway, Gracie and Sophie took me under their gossamer wings and showed me the magic of the Fairy Forest:
Very Truly Yours,
Mommacita,
Former Fairy in another life
Dear Someone Out There Who Likes Me,
We all know that I have been known to mock the sequined, the sparkly, the bo-jangled, and the be-dazzled in the past, however I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU from the bottom of my beating heart for the wonderful present you gave me last week. I loved the gift of being able to visit the fairy forest with my little darlin's Grace and Sophia. Little did I know that right across the street from me, the Fairy Forest has been in existence all these years. How come I never knew it? I'm pretty sure it has to do with not being able to hear the silver jingle bell from the Polar Express anymore either.
Anyway, Gracie and Sophie took me under their gossamer wings and showed me the magic of the Fairy Forest:
I told you it was fairylicious. We ate fairy lunch (flowers), walked from fairy room to fairy room (kitchens, bedrooms, baths), swept up with a handmade fairy broom (a stick with a palm frond), sat on fairy couches (logs) and listened to fairy chatter (them explaining it all to me). For a little bit, I got to be a real live fairy again. It is something that I've dearly missed.
Very Truly Yours,
Mommacita,
Former Fairy in another life
.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)