Whatever People

 I argued with my niece Annie that my life has nothing to blog about.  If I were, to say, live around grandchildren I could make you so impressed with mine and unimpressed with yours that you would go to bed tonight feeling slightly bad about yourself.  And you would think that there were indeed perfect people out there and you are INDEED a slub on the fabric of your life.  I think my exact words to Annie were:

"Do you REALLY want to hear about how I killed a spider with my backscratcher and now I have to use the handle end to scratch my back so I don't get spider guts or the thought of spider guts on my back which transfers to my nightgown which transfers to my sheets which interrupts my TV watching in bed.?"

Ok.  Not my exact words because remember people can embellish on blogs and remember what I said about how I threatened to make you feel about your grandkids?  I mean it people.  I might become desparate.

I might be desperate because  I am finding that I am obsolete.  Blogging Obsolete.  First of all when I came in here last week to post, the landscape of blogspot.com  had changed (don't get me wrong, it needed to....I had frustrations) and the changes left me feeling like I was the Rumpelstiltskin of Bloggers and that in my 25 year sleep they had changed the way to do everything on this sight.  I can't get from place to place.  I can't import pictures...really great pictures.  I just don't have the fight in me people.  I don't have anyone to kill my spiders OR scratch my back and now this.  GeezeLouize 

I had a great blog planned for this week.  Glitch was here visiting.  We visited The Grandmother who is 88 or 89 (Her age is a question mark because she has two birth certificates...and she works this fact to her advantage whenever she can so now SHE doesn't even know how old she is...)  GloBug took Pictures and sent them to me.  I had a picture of GrandmaLoveIt sitting as close to Gitch as she possibly could without sitting directly on his lap.  Glitch was laughing and he really has a terrific smile which you might have enjoyed.  I had a picture of Gitch protecting his earlobes from a earlobe chewing crazy person in their late 80's.  I DID NOT have a picture of said Crazy firmly reiterating that she HAS NOT been to a garage sale in over 6 MONTHS.  6 MONTHS people!   I had a picture of Grandmaloveits' dining room table which contained the following items:

An Autumn Leaf Magnetic Mailbox Cover

A Red White and Blue Wooden Elephant hanging on a Jewelery Hanger Thing

A Red Teddy Bear

A Giant Clothespin

A Cement House Ornament with a Bird on it that says Flycatcher underneath the Pink silk Flowers it holds

A Brass Bell

A Glass Candelabra

A Porcelain Egg that opens to Hold Crap

A vase of fake tulips

A Christmas Ornament with Jake's name on it in the shape of an airplane

 More glass stuff

Yeah.  All this and no not one garage sale.  It would have been a sweet blog.  Only I COULDN'T SEEM TO GET THE PICTURES TRANSFERRED FROM MY COMPUTER TO MY BLOG.  Yeah.  I'm THAT stupid. 

I can't even find out how to go in and edit blogs.  

I can't move around the site.

I'm starting to feel like a slub on the fabric of my life and it pretty much stinks because my job is  to make you, the reader feel like that.

Go me.

Wouldn't you Know this would be Gross

So Yeah. I shook hands with my darling niece Annie and her brother's wedding to start doing this again once a week.  She's the reason I started up a blog in the first place, so if you want to get scientific about it I guess we can assume that Annie has blogcontrol over me.  All Powerful.  All knowing.  All Seeing.

And This is going to be short this first time, because:

A.  My suitcase is still in the trunk of my car from traveling home from her brother's wedding. (I've been home a day and a half.  And yes, this might be thought of as lazy pants)

B.  I think I might be dead or dying. 

Lets address A.

I chose to leave my suitcase in the car because after driving home from the airport in the dark with torrential rain, white knuckling it all the way because when I say torrential rain, I really mean it this time Oh shoot, I've lost my train of thought and I'm currently sweating profusely (see B).  Anyway, I spilled out of the car onto the garage floor and dragged myself into the (hem) powder room to (hem) how do you say vomit nicely?  So My suitcase is still in my trunk and I don't care who knows it. I don't know when It will be lifted out.  Perhaps when Mitch comes for a visit.

Now for B

I think I gave it away in A but I feel compelled to warn you that if you eat a chicken pecan apple salad (but I didn't see one single pecan and I was looking for them the whole time ) with no dressing at the Wendy's in the Southwest terminal at the Salt Lake City Airport then you will want to die and die quickly.  Only you won't die like you want but will linger on, sweating, chilling, and experiencing other unmentionable tortures which my boys came home from their missions calling boo.  With out getting totally sickening, let's just say, I am experiencing all the pleasures of a good and tasty food poisoning.  Including an IV drip in the ER.

Let's digress a little.  I drove myself to the ER.  I don't think that I should have.  I thought I was being self reliant and noble.  I was being stupid.  I include this as a warning to all five of you.  Don't scoff.  I just may have saved someone else's life.

Back to B.

So Yeah.  I'm a mess.  And I slept on a bed without sheets last night and trust me you don't want to know why.  The sad part is is I just might do it again.  sniff.

So anyone out there who MAY have made a comment on Allpowerful's blog about me not having posted a blog yet, who called me a liar,  and you know who you are yomama,  just feel my pain.  Go on.  Feel it.  

Excuse me now, Gatorade calls.

I feel fortunate to like the Purple.