I was Saved! I was Saved!! SAVED!! Do you GET IT? SAVED!!

The following conversation took place on a cell phone while traveling on the dark lonely road on the way home from the temple:*

RING RING

Mommacita: Hi. I was SAVED tonight.
Schneebes: What? Saved? What?

Mommacita: Tonight I was SAVED. SAVED!!! You've heard the word saved?
Schneebes with a wee bit of panic: You mean you were saved in a CAR ACCIDENT?? (Which totally means "WHO the heck is going to take care of me and this baby now??")

Mommacita: A car accident? No. No! It's a different kind of saved. Really Truly Saved.
Schneebes: (yawn) What kind is really truly saved?

Mommacita: OK. Well, tonite I'm all done at the temple, see....
Schneebes: (yawners) yeah?

Mommacita: And I go to the rest room, to rest before the big trip home...
Schneebes: (yawner-ers) um hm?

Mommacita: And I'm traveling through the women's locker room.....
Schneebes:

Mommacita: Are you there?
Schneebes: Yes. yes Mothercita. Yes I am here. (even more yawning)

Mommacita: And I'm in the doorway of the locker room, ready to step out into the lobby. THE LOBBY!
Schneebes: I think I see where this is going. (big breath. bigger yawn)

Mommacita: And right as I was at the doorway of the locker room, right at that moment in time, tiny tiny angels put their tiny tiny hands on my head, and with a brute force that only tiny tiny angels have, they forced my head to turn to the left and I caught a glimpse, an ever so slight glimpse of my reflection in a mirror.
Schneebes: I thought I told you I thought I knew where this was going. (which totally means do you really have to tell the rest of this story?) (doesn't bother yawning)

Mommacita: And in the mirror, the bless-ed bless-ed mirror, (that the tiny tiny angels who love me very very much forced me to look at) I saw my brown skirt, and my black slip tucked neatly into my underpants.
Schneebes: (inhale)

Mommacita: And there were three women who saw it all. They saw the clueless woman clumping out of the restroom in a boot and a very tasteful bronzie kind of sandal that was undoubtedly bought for a wedding a while ago and the said clueless woman had her skirt tucked into her meshy underpants and then just in the nick of time she miraculously looked in the mirror (they didn't understand why) and then the three women saw a look of horror on clueless woman's face and then they saw her quickly pull her skirt out of said underpants and then they witnessed the clueless woman looking around sheepishly and then they noticed her adopt a look that said I meant to do that and she left the locker room with confidence. And the three women were impressed, and were not at all tempted to burst out laughing with uncontrolled hysterics but they just admired her from across the locker room in a quiet, dignified, and tolerant way. And they wondered what her name was and if she would ever consider being their friend.
Schneebes: (exhale)

Schneebes: Were you wearing spanx?
Mommacita: No.

Schneebes: Are you hereditary? Because I'm pregnant here.

*the writer of this post may or may not have exercised artistic licence when quoting people other than herself during the writing of this post.