Text Messages to Olympians or Folks Who are Affiliated

(Loud Olympic horns)

Tada-daaa Na-nana Tada-daaaaaa

Tada-daaa Na-nana Tada-da

Dun Dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn, Dun!

In case you didn't recognize, that was one of them there Olympic tunes they play.

Dear Bob Costas,

I remember your hair to be lighter. Why did you darken it? You don't look Chinese even with the darker hair. I'm not sure I can take you seriously anymore.

Love, Mommcita

Dear Gold Medal Winner Woman's Fencer,

Good on you about the gold medal! And that was a pretty fancy fencer outfit that lit up. There might be a 'Fancy Nancy Fencer Edition' book that copies your story. Only the illustrator will probably make your fencing outfit pink. And a north westerner beating a Yalie was a nice thing as well. Thank you for being such a good role model for little girls who want to grow up and wear a fancy fencer outfit.

Love, Mommacia

Dear Woman's Beach Volleyball Team,

Please watch the victory hugs this year. You can never take back what happens on camera. And then others have to watch it over and over and over and barf a little.

Love, Momamcita

Dear Michael Phelps:

Because of all the press hype, and because of your beefy shoulders, I'm really pulling for you. I was pounding the couch with my fist during your first gold medal win. I usually don't give a rip so that was kind of fun Michael.

Love, Mommacita

PS Thank you for throwing away the speedo.

Dear Dara Fores,

You go you 41 year old girl friend who just had a baby 2 years ago. Swim on.

Love, Mommacita.

Dear Chinese Techies,

Next time Michael Phelps wins a gold medal, let's not be cutting off the American anthem too soon. Pretty embarrassing faux paux. Can you spell international incident?

Love, Mommacita

PS I just want everyone to get along.

Bob Costas said there are less bicycles in China now. Strike two Bob.