Did anyone notice I took a blogcation? No? I'm a bigger deal in my own head that I ever imagined? Well, I didn't imagine much, but I would have been excited if I had been a bigger deal in my own head than I imagined.I had insomnia.
You would think that I would have gotten up from tossing around in my bed and blogged my brains out but I was afraid I would copy the poop poem that my niece Annie wrote when she had insomnia, and her mother got red in the face. Now that my mother reads this thing I can't be talking about poop because I am worried about mother embarrassment because of what happened with the Annie poop poem. I'm thinking only three poop references per blog are allowed. And I've now used up my ration. I used the word ration because it's a WWII word which is Mom's era, and I thought that mom would like that and then allow me another poop. That didn't sound how I intended it too. Anyway.
Let's get a way from the subject of hmmmmmmmm, stpoop. Let's move on to this...it's what is on the minds of ever young single voting American. White Black or Otherwise.
Insomnia Self: blink blink blink blink
Sleep Self: What are you doing? You are acting like an idiot!
Insomnia Self: I'm enjoying the dark. And the POWER. I am POWER DRUNK
Sleep Self: Do you realize I have a taxing day tomorrow?
Insomnia Self: (fingers in ears) La La La La I can't hear you
Sleep Self: You know that tomorrow I have to have energy. You know that I will be driving down the freeway at 10:00 at night with crazy drunk truckers.
Insomnia Self: Not my problem. How many Gilmore Girls do you have DVRed on this thing?
Sleep Self: Did you say Gilmore Girls? Well OK. Let's watch the one where Rory goes to the Debutante Ball. Or maybe the one were Kirk gets scratched up on over 90% of his body in the bathtub by Kirk the cat. I have an affinity to people who name their family members and their cats the same thing.
Sleep Self: It's 2:30 now. Aren't you the least bit tired? Think of the truckers. And me on the road with them.
Insomnia Self: Am I hungry? I think my stomach might be eating itself. I think I need a little something. How's about we get something we shouldn't eat and then we turn on a "Lifetime Movie For Women" and watch some woman get messed over by a man, probably her husband and she will take her children and run to other women who always help other women and then she will become the CEO of a business that manufactures something that she invented that is something only women can use. Like a new man beating stick or something.
Sleep Self: No. NoNoNO. How's about we turn of the light and try it again? It's 3:30. Not that I keep looking at the clock or anything.
Insomnia Self: Go ahead LOOSER. Did you hear that? I'm talking smack here. LOOSER. Love the smack talk. LOVE SMACK!!!. LOOSERLOOSERLOOSER. We're staying AWAKE ALL NIGHT LOOSER. TRY AND STOP ME!
Sleep Self: Um. It's 4:30. I'm starting to wonder if we are working together here? And by the way that's not a rhetorical question for the group that's gathered here tonight. That means you need to ANSWER THE QUESTION.
Insomnia Self: I love Smack. I love Power. I love the dark. And being wide awake. And Bugging you. And TV. And the moon. I love watching you look at the clock every 15 minutes. I love watching you try the left side. Then the right side. Then your back. I love hearing you sigh and blow air through your lips like a horse. I love you thinking about how awful tomorrow is going to be without any sleep. I love the anxiety. I love the PRESSURE! I love having control over the world. It's a trip Mommacita.
Sleep Self: I NEED REST! whatamIgoingtodotomorrow whenIhaveexcpectations thatIwillbetootiredtofulfill becauseyouaremessingaround youstupidlittletwerp?
Insomnia Self: Just so you know, you have something in your teeth. Dubers would not be pleased.
Sleep Self: Take this Pill.
Insomnia Self: No. I already did that.
Sleep Self: Take this Pill. We have gone the allotted time since the last one. And you're going down. You are SO such a pitiful part of history you little low life.
Insomnia Self: Waaaaaaaaaaaait unttttiiiiiiillllllllllllllllll tommmmmmmmmorrowwwwww nightttttttttttttttttttttttttt. I'llllllllllllllllll gettttttt you myyyyyyyyyyyyy pretttttttttttttty.
Sleep Self: (triumphant smiley face with one eyebrow raised despite the fact that it is 5 am)
No sleep makes you crazy
14 comments:
I can't believe there aren't 100 comments on this. This is some of my best work. In the last week. I leave for 10 minutes and everybody vanishes. What the heck.
Especially the picture of the scary clown. And the picture of the eyeball wide awake. sheesh.
Sister G-
You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this new blog. After reading all of your blog in 2days, I checked every day (often more than once a day) thinking that you were an every day blogger (as I was led to believe by the frequency of your previous blogs). I, for one, noticed your blogcation and new blogs were sorely missed. This made up for all of the blogs that could have been in the last week. It was amazingly hilarious. Also.. I love the human Kirk and cat Kirk episode. You amaze me. -----Katelyn
Katelyn Marie, I always knew I loved you best.
Glad your back from blogcation - I love having a good chuckle! I love the smack talk amongst yourself.
Your conversations with yourself are twice as funny as when you are talking to any of us out here in the blogdom. I have been waiting and waiting for the latest masterpiece! And girl, you simply don't disappoint! Keep making the world a better place.
I've missed your blog!! Don't worry there really are people that check other people's blogs everyday even though they don't update their own blogs but expect others to do so because they're bored and want to delay work a little bit more by stalking other people's lives :)
So yeah I missed your blog - thanks :) And I'm glad someone is also addicted to Gilmore Girls even though you know what is going to happen. Well maybe you're not this bad but I know what's going to happen in the ABC family episodes but still watch them because I love them. Derek was interested one morning (normally I try to watch them while he's at work) and he had to go and I said "Wait for this part" and it was funny but he didn't understand why I watched it if I knew what was going to happen....It's because it's clever and I wished a lived in thier world. Ok enough :)
Oh Shelby naive little one. I am that bad.
I love insane inner banter. Nothing is ever clear in the middle of the night. Insomnia is the worst! May all of your happy little sleepy pills always work for you in the future. In fact, I think that I will go and take my own little happy sleepy pill in honor of you Mommacita.
You are HILARIOUS!!
Everytime I hear someone sigh, I'll be whipping my head around to see if their lips are moving like a horse.....
...this one rivals the witty amazingness of zen/massage-inner banter blog. It was about time you pleased your fans.
Have you ever considered acupuncture for your insomnia? Acupuncture is a wonderful treatment for insomnia that people don't often think about. I've helped a lot of people with insomnia. Often they fall asleep right then during treatment, but they almost always report getting to sleep faster and staying asleep through the night. You should look for a good acupuncturist in your area.
New York Acupuncturist
Here is another comment. I sorely missed the wonderful writings that this blog has to offer. I almost called Jake to see if anything had happened.
I was wondering WHAT HAPPENED TO MARY?!!! And now i have many posts to read...
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