The Best Little Non Graduation Ever, or Bitter Much?

My Mother-in-law dug out her guilt stick and has beaten me senseless with it every chance she gets because I have not posted since the Olympic season. What is there to blog about when Bob Costas is not a fixture in your life? Like, I mean, C'mons

Hey. Have you ever noticed that BLOG and BRAG are spelled almost the same?

Cue:

"Pomp and Circumstance." Played by the high school band. With the brass section a little off key. And it's pouring down rain because it always pours down rain for graduation.

Enter:

One of your Children. In a graduation robe. With a DOCTOR hood on it. It's one of your children, filing into an auditorium, that is stuffy and hot, but you don't care because your son is wearing a graduation robe with one of those DOCTOR thingies on it that only people who study really really hard and become DOCTORS get to wear.

Feel:

The magic. Because you birthed that DOCTOR who is filing in down there, you birthed that DOCTOR waiting to get his diploma. You birthed him, and raised him, and made him stop sassing you, and you feel the wonder of it all. How could this be, you ask honestly? He finally made something of himself if it was the last thing he did.

Magicmagicmagic you keep hearing someone whisper in your ear....

Hear:

The sound of the record needle screech (for those you that can remember the sound of a record needle screech.)

For those who were born after 1982, a record needle screeching symbolizes my little graduation scenario careening off the road, down the cliff, rolling head over tail, bouncing off rocks and splatting upside down in the deepest part of the ocean. With no survivors. You have just heard the sound of no survivors.

Enter:

Reality. There is no graduation ceremony. There is no music. There is no robe. There is no robe with a fancy smancy hood on it. There is no magic. There is no waving wildly from the stuffy bleacher hoping people will click their tongues and say wow, did she really raise that smart DOCTOR type because he looks like he might have been a sassy pants in his day? Wowzers She's AMAZING!!

OK. OK. In all reality there IS a diploma. And there IS a DOCTOR. But because of some dumb opportunity in some dumb other state, and because they had to be there by June 21st, someone robbed their mommacita of the glory that is only derived in a stuffy bleacher. So instead I bring to you, (my mother-in-law, my only reader left):


.

The Final Teeth Cleaning:

(please, out of respect, hum the Pomp song)

.

First, instead of a cap and gown and hoodie, we have scrubs that have been washed 1000s of times filing down the aisle, bearing a smile and searching the crowd for the woman who made it all possible by letting him cement 2 gold crowns in her mouth.

.

Next we have the putting on of the ceramonial final-teeth-cleaning rubber gloves. Almost as good as a Dr. Hood but only if this is all you get.

.

Next, we have a close up, of the million dollar specs that won't likely be needed in the world of Orthodontia. Sassy Pants Payback.

.

Seriously

.

What mommacita would be worth her salt if she hadn't taken a picture of herself, in her son's dental chair, with his hands in HER mouth? Can you believe how on point I am? If the people in the bleachers only knew about me. And my nostrils.

.

My feet in my own sassy son's dental chair. Gloria, you might not be able to tell, but my shoes are purple patent leather.

.

Final proceedure in dental school: all done. ALL DONE ALLDONEALLDONEALLDONE.

.

The graduate next to us was jealous that Dubers has such a wonderful mother.

.

Last paper work of dental school.

You'd think you'd get a ceremony when that happens.

.

My Chair Hair, and My Finger. Which by the way has nothing to do with the accomplishments of the graduate.

.

I found this on the counter in Duber's new kitchen. It is mail, received in his new state. You might have noticed the DOCTOR by his name. It's real baby, it's real

.

(You might also have noticed that this is a bill. Cue: self righteous little harumph)

Text Messages to My Kids that Quite Frankly Crank

Hidee Ho there kids! Tis the Season! I can't just sit here and watch the Olympics without thinking about my swimming ex boyfriend who took that Olympic oath about not doping. A sorrow that has not healed, even if Subway thinks that we've forgotten.

I'm cuddled up on the leather couch with my hand crocheted afghan and Mitch's mono-infected pillow that is filled with those little pellet thingies so you can punch it or swing it about during speed skating. Since I lack anyone to high five when the moment calls for the high five, I've been texting the kids like crazy. Since I have to pay 5 cents for every text, I thought this might be cheaper:

Olympic text #1

Dear Everybody,
You know those white cushioney maybe made out of leather or possibly pleather couches that the freestyle skiers sit on after they compete? Well I think they are heated. And they look really comfortable. So yeah, I think I'd be liking one of those for Christmas for my bedroom. Just in case you were wondering what I might have on my wish list.

Much Love,
Your Adoring and Deserving Mommacita Who Happens to be a Widow


Olympic text #2

Dear Pregnant One,
I think it would be more than OK if you wanted to possibly use Apollo as a middle name. It would work for a boy for sure, and a girl if you added 'ette' (as in Danette) or you could just tack an 'a' on the end (as in Roberta, so it would end up Apolloa) or 'anne' (as in Larryann). Your dad always liked boy names for girls.

Be Sure And Keep Down Those Vitamins,
Mommacitanne


Olympic Text #3

Dear Glitch (my favorite fashionistas),
Did you happen to catch Tom Brokaw's outfit on the night of the opening ceremony? Did you wonder if he forgot his sports jacket so he borrowed that gold thing from some BOTS (bum off the street)? Did you wonder why he paired it with that blue shirt with the white collar and cuffs? Could you just hear Tim saying "What man wears a shirt with white collars and cuffs?" Yeah, me too.

And Did you think that Tom picked out his tie in the dark because it was navy and red or maybe some other color I can't remember now because I've tried to purge it from my memory? Were you afraid that once you let your hair go gray that you would most assuredly loose your ability to coordinate your outfits, even the ones that are really really important because you are going to be seen by the world in them? Yes?

Me Too. We're twinners!

H&M-ly yours,
Mommacita

Olympic Text #4

Dear Jen,
Do you miss that Mo-Tabbie song from 2002 that swelled and peaked and made you just feel like you were king of the world? I know I do. Do you think you'd have time to learn it on the piano for my next visit?

No Pressure I'm Just Your,
Mommacitainlaw

Olympic Text #5

Dear Everyone,
Two things. First of all, I'm quite taken with freestyle skiing. Second, the guys who announce it? Have you listened to those guys? No? Well I did, and I'm passing on my newly adopted freestyle-skiing-cool-announcer-guy vocabulary to YOU! Work these gems into to your conversations at work, school or play and people will immediately want to be your best-ie. Here you go:

Blister, Cranking, Open Throttle, Bottom out, Boomerang, Dawg, Tight, Big, Minor, Huge, Roll by the tail, Buck, Ding, Off the top, Smokin' (not to be confused with smoking which is not at all as cool), Qualies, In the Zone, Outacontrol, Go large, Flow off the top, Clutch, D-S-Q'ed, Uncorked, Throw down, and my personal favorite: Put the hammer down.

All my uncorked Love,
Mommacitadawg

Olympic Text #6

Dear Jaqueo,
Since you are in the athletic world professionally now, could you please answer me this? What product is Shawn White using on his hair? I dig those Farrah curls that were not there at the last Olympics. Question: Can athletes get that stuff for free and still compete? Just wanted to know if I should take up snowboarding, because if there's anything that I consider synonymous with great hair, it's snowboarding. USA! USA! USA!

Inquiring minds, and all that,
Will-do-anything-for-freebies-Mommacita


Olympic Text #7

Dear Dubers,
So the US athletes seem to all have really really white teeth. Can you hook me up at the dental school? That would be huge. Don't forget to use that cool freestyle vernacular in everyday life. When you're root canaling the guys with the pony tails, they will Roll by the tail fo sho.

Your best patient,
Mommacitasmiles

Just a Regular Text #8

Dear Blogspot.com,
What is the dealio? I have not been able to download any pictures to go with this post. All I get is words. Don't you know that when you make fun of someone's outfit you HAVE to have a visual to make it major? Don't you realize that my text about Shawn White would have been smokin off the top with pictures? Now it is just ding. Blogspot, you are D-S-Q'ed in my book. It's time to throw the hammer down and blister your way out of this mess. Next time, I expect you to qualie.

No love here,
NotyourMommacita


.

Thank You Notes

Yes, I've been gone awhile. I could go on and on about why, but do you really want to hear it? You're probably not even reading this because you kept checking and checking for a new post and there never ever was one so you decided forget Mommacita and her non posting moods. Isn't it all tired and rusty for you? I thought so. However, we're 90 minutes away from the day of Thanks, and so darn it, let's be a thanking.

.
So moving on.... imagine me, Mommacita-lazyetera, hand in hand with Jimmy Falon, host of late night TV. I know some people (neice, daughter) who have crushes on this guy, so let me just state right here, right now, that the hand holding is purely platonic. I could never beat out those two beauties. Because they are cute AND funny.

Moving on again... On his show, Jimmy often writes thank you notes, (to people like Frebreeze (for covering up odor and grime so we don't have to wash something and have it really clean instead)) And so even though I am no Jimmy Falon, nor pretend to be, and I am only someone who would platonically hold hands with him, I'd like to send some thank you notes. Because, he has touched me, deep down, with his thankful ness. And Because, darn it, we should all be about the thanking this weekend.

So let's all be thankful:
.

Dear Guy Who Ran a Red Light in the Intersection of Kruise Way and Highway 217,
Thank you. Thank you for making me laugh out loud, as you ran that red light and almost hit me broadside while I was on my way to Trader Joe's. Thank you for leaning forward in your seat onto your steering wheel while you were doing it, because it really DID make it seem like you weren't running a red light and it really DID make you look like you were going really really fast. That leaning forward in the seat in times such as these really makes all the difference. And Thank you for those eyes of determination. I laughed out loud, because a good NASCAR reference is always a winner for me.
.
Very Truly Yours,
Mommacita

(and now please imagine me folding up the thank you note and licking the envelope only on the point because I can't stand the taste, just like Jimmy)


Dear Hersey Candy Company,
Thank you Hersey Candy Company for only making Minty M&M's at Christmas time and not all year round. Because I would be as big as a moose.
.
Very Truly Yours,
Mommacita

(folding, licking, only on the pointing)


Dear Trader Joes,
Ditto the above Thank you note but insert Peppermint Jo'Jo's for Minty M&M's.
.
Very Truly Yours,
Mommacita
.
PS The chocolate covered Peppermint JoJo's are really sublime. Hows about a coupon sometime?

(ditto as well on the folding, and licking on the point. talk about wearing out a bit)


.
Dear Henry,
Thank you little Henry, for twinkling your eyes at me. And thank you little Henry, for grinning at me through your pacifier. And Thank you Little Henry, for visiting me for a whole month. And little Henry? About letting me kiss your neck whenever I want? And going limp when I do it?
T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U. I just like watching you discover the world.

.
Love and Zerberts,
GranMommacita

.

Dear Sawyer,
.
Thank you for letting me play "Fisher Price Christmas Manger Little People" with you all week. I never thought I'd say this, but singing Away In A Manger every time you pushed the button on the roof of the manger never got boring. All 48 times. Thank you for the dance each time the song played. Thank you for the jiggy attitude. And Thank you Soybean, for the neck kissing and the toe biting. And the generalized snuggling. You smell good.
.
Zerberts and Love,
GrandMommacita

.
Dear Gracie and Sophie and Ben,
Thank you for taking your medicine and getting better. I HATE dirty swines and their flu. I refuse to thank them. Thank you for talking to me on the phone and singing me a song or two. Thank you for those 3 pairs of blue eyes. I can't wait to see them. Soon! SOON! And Ben? Get ready, because I'll be a running my fingers through your hair. There might even be blogging about it. It's been known to happen.
.
Love and Zerberts Times 3,
GrandMommacita

Dear Ginormous Big Screen TV that Tim showed up with that one Saturday,
Thank you for hanging on this long. You know I love ya. And thank you for not taking those disparaging remarks made by Glitch that were aimed towards you personally. They tried to double team me into replacing you, but I stood true. I am thankful that you continue to give. If an inanimate object happened to feel cold, I would make a quilt for you just in case you might be sitting there all the time feeling chilly. But they don't, so I won't bother.
.
Very truly Yours,
Mommacita
PS Could you give me a sign when you're about to die so I can shop the sales?


.

W.I.Y.W.C.E.???

Tonight, with Mitch and Gloria, I decided to play "Who is Your Worst Celebrity Ever?" I had to come right down here and tell you about it..... Because I've been gone along time (more about that later) (and Limon is a lonely bachelor who's comment made me want to blog again...don't get all excited you goofballs...it's not like that....he's like 26 years old and he knows my kids....but he has a funny blog....and I like to read the precious gems that are 30 months apart...) ANYWAY

.

So, guys, let's play "Who is Your Worst Celebrity Ever?" (Make that sound of the crowd roaring right NOW)

Mommacita: Mariah Carey

.

Because:
she wonders why I am so obsessed with her, and because I'm sick of her tight clothes. When I say I'm sick, I mean I want to throw a brick through the TV because there is nothing clever about a way too tight pink tank top and a pair of way too tight jeans and high heels. Yes, Mariah, we SEE you. Wish we could just HEAR you. And by the way, that was the only picture I was willing to publish of her because of her sleazy little outfits that she buys at Maripoza. Meee-ow

Mitch: Tyra Banks

Because:
She is annoying. And because everything that comes out of her mouth is dim-witted (I inserted the word dim-witted for his actual word, because I found his real word offensive to those who are actually this way. You can count on me to save you from anything unpleasant, disagreeable, or impertinent. You're welcome)



.

Gloria: Tom Arnold

As you can see, there is no picture. I just couldn't bring myself to download one of him. Honestly, when she said Tom Arnold, I thought to myself, "Why didn't I say Tom Arnold?"

.
Because:

Oh, Wow, Because of everything. Because of the movies he is in, because of what he says, because of EVERYTHING that is Tom Arnold. (this is not verbatim, however, I think I caught the upshot of what she really feels about T. A.)

So now you know what I did tonight. Limon, I hope I have filled the emptiness.

All You Ever Need To Know You Can Learn from Project Runway

Yay!!! More TV Blogging!! Double Yay!!!

Last night as I was watching Project Runway on Lifetime's channel for women, and in the midst of my gratitude for it being back, it struck me on how much we as a people can learn from Runway. I had to grab a hankie, because there were tears.

I love the Runway, (how can they sew so fast?????) and there are messages to help us that come from the Runway. This is not as good as reading your scriptures, but almost.

Message #1

Life is better if you have developed some skilz.

Message #2

If things aren't working out for you (on Bravo) then run to the nearest woman ('s network called Lifetime), and she will guide you to the promised land. Your life will be better, there won't be as many potty mouths around, and you'll get to live in Sunny California.

.

Message #3

Always look for a friend like Tim Gunn: Someone that will tell you the truth, and if you fail, they'll say just the right thing and give you a hug while your heart is breaking.

.

Message #4

Work Work Work. Nobody wins if they don't know how to make it work.

.

Message #5

Be nice. Even if mean people make it to the top, remember no one ever wants to share a room with them

.

Message #6

Beautiful things can happen in 24 hours. Out of NOTHING!

.

Message #7

When all else fails, remember that things always sound classy with a German accent. Even alveedersaine.

.

Message #8

If your needle breaks don't be whining about it. Nobody likes a crybaby.

.

Message #9

Never do anything in bad taste. You'll get creamed for it every time.

.

Message #10

Choose a good (role) model. It all comes down to the (role) model.

.

I never knew the runway was so profound. I guess this just goes to show you that

You never know what you've got 'till it's gone. ~Bob Dylan. Or maybe Joni Mitchell.

.



.
Mommmmmmmmmm-acita. Waxing philosophical.

I See Red People

I write a post, I wait, I check to see who comments, I wait a couple of days, I recheck, then I search my life for something ridiculous to write about again and to waste your time again, so that maybe my children or others will comment. This is my purpose. This is my destiny. The hard part is, my life is not that interesting. Oh yes, I do have the occasional guy in a loin cloth speed by on his bike, but for the most part, I'm stretching the envelope. Trying beyond trying to get attention from the 6 people who read this.

Writing a blog makes you examine what you do in your life, what you think, how you perceive the world. I'm not so sure that's healthy for me. Like for instance, I don't like this about myself:

Today I'm at the market. Minding my own bizzness. This couple, maybe in their 40's saunters by me and they are holding hands, wearing this

And this

BOTH of them. Matching outfits. I'm a little dumbfounded and I can't stop looking at them. And these are my thoughts (as in my head, and please pray for me that I will never voice these in real life to real people.):

Question: Where did they get those pants?

Answer: Probably Disneyland

Question: Disneyland? Do they have Mickey Mouses on them? (because that might explain this because if you are going to spend the bucks on red Mickey Mouse pants while visiting Disneyland, (because you get all caught up in the Disney Craze as you are walking around), and you get home and then you are stuck with 2 pairs of red Mickey pants and you have to get your money out of them you might wear them to the market so as not to feel sorry for buying them in the first place)

Instruction: Catch up to them and check out the pants, to see if there are Mickey's on them.

Question: What? Have you lost your marbles? Is this the consequence of living alone? You DO NOT need to know if there are Mickey Mouses on their pants. What would that serve?

.
Instruction: Do not go over there by those people and look at their pants. You are becoming weirder by the minute.
.

Observation: Red pants, Red Sweatshirts, wowzers, that's a lot of red.

Question: Who wears all that red?

Question: Are those Mickey pants?

Self Correction: ENOUGH. No more wondering about Mickeys on pants. It needs to be over.

Observation: But the red. BUT ALL THE RED.

Question: Should I blog about these red people?

Question: Are you kidding me? Do you really want to continue to be that girl that blogs about people she sees in the store?

Whiny Answer: I can't stop. I'm cursed with the noticing gene.

Question: Have I become this?



Answer: You certainly have if you go home and blog about the Red People.

Rationalization: But look at her. She's happy.

Question: Are you going to go home and blog about the Red People? Because if you do, You are enormously looserey.


Answer: No. No I am Not. I refuse to keep being that person.


.
Apparently the receptors for resisting dessert and not blogging about people in the store are located in the same section of the brain and that section in me was damaged during the trauma of 2003. I'm sorry for any pain I may have caused you, the loyal reader.

.

Monkey Business

Yesterday I started a quilt for Ben-erific, using some of these fabrics, in various colors

.

And a little of this in various colors

.

And some of this in two or three colors, (don't you love their jammies?)

.

And I fussy cut some of this

.

.

And I'm thinking that this baby/bigger baby quilt is going to be pretty amazing. I've never worked with a "fabric line" before, because I like to mix it up so's not to bore myself, but I think I like the decisions all being made for me right now.

.

But the baby/biggerbaby quilt is not what this blog is about. I just included that info so the biggerbaby's mother could see the fabric.

.

This blog is about, big surprise, TV.

.

I was trying to watch TV while sewing for the last 2 days. I usually enjoy trying to watch TV.

.

I have an announcement to make about TV. Here it is: TV during the Labor Day weekend is THE WORST. THE WORST. THE WORST EVER.

.

Now, I made this comment to two different people, (one being someone who I am related to and actually pushed through the birth canal), but they did not agree with me because they spent the weekend watching football games and they are madly in love with Labor Day Weekend TV. Whatever.

.

I repeat. Labor Day weekend TV is THE WORST EVER.

.

So here's the scenerio. I had just finished watching "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington." which I had previously DVR'd during TCM's Summer Under the Stars series in August (which I dearly miss by the way) And if your are a true American, and a movie lover, then of course you find that movie a little piece of amazing. Amazing Ala Mode in fact. It got a 5 star rating. I had never seen it before. Talk about the thrill of victory. I went from watching a 5 star movie, to having this for my choice:

.

Stop Your Anxiety and Depression

Slimming Jeans

Peter Papoff Prayer Line

Internet Millions

Paid Programming

More Paid Programming

Food Lovers Fat Loss System

Hypnosis for Weight Loss

Free Money

Your Baby Can Read

Christy Brinkley's Total Gym

(Really Christy Brinkley? Really? After Being a Supermodel, this is the best you can do? Really? Are you Serious? Really???)

.

Celeb Hair

Clean With Shark Steam

Look Younger

.

Talk about the agony of defeat.

.

After scrolling through the guide every half hour, hoping beyond hope that something magically would appear, I finally decided on TLC's "Truth Be Told" This episode focused on people who take their pets too seriously. One of the vignettes was about a woman who had a little doggie and she bought it expensive costumes (a Dennis Rodman one, (which included a pink wig), a Southern Belle one and Prom Queen costume) and then entered her little doggie (wearing the costumes) into doggie pageants. She took the doggie to New York for a pageant and her doggie didn't win. And then she got super depressed.

.

I am not exaggerating.

.

Another vignette was about a woman who had a pet monkey named Richard (which happens to be my dad's name so I didn't exactly appreciate her monkey having the same name as my beloved daddy) who she also dressed up and took with her everywhere she went. Well, at least she was TRYING to take Richard the monkey everywhere, but the city council was getting in her way. She hired an attorney to fight for her monkey rights. The case is still pending. At the end it showed her with Richard the Monkey and 2 friends at one of those photo studios where you get all dressed up in Wild Wild West attire and get your picture taken in sepia tones and you don't smile. The monkey, even though she brushed his teeth before they went, did not smile in the wild west picture. So it turned out pretty perfect for all the ladies and Richard the Monkey at the photo place.

.

I concluded from this show, that if you are dressing an animal up, you might be pushing the envelope a little.

.

.

And I'm not sure, but I've really thought about it, especially at church today, and I'm guessing that I watched this show because I was sewing on Monkey Fabric.

.

.

Yeah. It's never what you think it is, is it?

.

Reunionesque - A Life Lesson

Dear Tim's Family,

In an attempt to bring to you pictures of our regional reunion, let's get the dirty laundry right out on the table. This website has been giving me fits today, and I've had trouble getting the pictures onto it. Since most of the pictures are pictures of crap and not people, that has doubled my frustration. I am in a terrible mood. I feel like ripping your head off right now and you didn't even do anything. I have already ripped my own head off and it is sitting over there in the entryway making a mess and mocking me. In an attempt to get into a zen place, let's start with a sunset, albeit a sunset on a cloudy day. I was going to end with this, but people, you're just going to have to work with me here.





Breathe In.

Breathe Out.

And Begin...

A week ago, we met on Rachael and Matt's house boat, or as I like to call it, the cutest little love shack ever. We left it littered with corn cobs on the back deck and glitter and s'more juice all over the kitchen table. We're sensitive that way.





We missed our family that had partied with out us in Ohio, partied without us in Arizona, and partied without us in So Cal. We missed you, but we had fun without you. We spent the day doing reunionesque things. Things like pairing up with a pixie and making boats for a boat race:








Eating more, and more and more with Grandma Loveit,






Fishing off the side of the houseboat before it was littered with corncobs:





Appreciating wildlife on the front porch

And my personal favorite, losing our personal identity by dressing alike

Since it was a cloudy day, and too cool to squeeze ourselves into swimsuits and have our pictures taken so we could be entombed in a swimsuit forever and ever on the internet, we thought up other stuff to do. We paired up randomly, in teams of two people, and we created 1 boat per team...because the first ever G-lock Regalia was to be held right before dinner. My, my, but don't the claws come out when a G-lock is competing. The teams had to build a boat out of supplies they could find, give it a name, and sail it in the G-lock Regalia.

.

The first team consisted of Madison and Mommacita. They built a boat of Popsicle sticks and called it the "M & M". Because of the M's in their names. Get it? And they felt totally hip making gangsta "M" signs in their picture, although you can tell right away I'm over 50 because my gangsta M looks more like a claw.

And the blue and yellow theme of the "M & M"s? Forget about it! Others were jealous.

.

The next team was Morgan and Matt. Now I'm not a sore looser or anything, but Matt dragged Morgan off into his workshop and pretty soon you could hear sanders and saws and things were flying. I'm not offended or anything, but I don't think they used the gluegun I brought because I saw nails in their boat. And that sail you see? Real sailcloth. And are you wondering if that's a candle there in front of the sail that is meant to be a source of renewable energy for their boat "Light of the River"? You wonder right. OK. I'm just going to say it. Rachael, your husband is a competitor. Opps. Should have spelled that COMPETITOR.

Next we have the paring of Richard Carlos, who we will call Carlos from now on, and Lisa/Sawyer. Sawyer was clearly the brains behind the operation that produced the "Las Vegas Queen". I kept hearing the two of them say to each other something about not having any right brains. Sawyer, your superpowers saved the day. Look at that thing.

The next group was David and Abby. They read their scriptures together before they started and were inspired by the flight of the Jaredites in the Book of Mormon who built ships that were "tight like unto a dish". They hogged all the straws and sealed them in a base of tinfoil that was sealed up as tight as you can imagine. I saw the man who made me a gold tooth over there fussing over those straws and foil and I thought no fair. Abby brought her aesthetic sense to the operation, and between the two of them the aura of light was staggering.

The next pairing was Ruth and LaRene, whose creation "LaRve" was as happy and cheery as these two themselves. I Larve them.

Next, Amanda and Rachael decided to funkify with "G-lock Starry Night". It was a mind trip. One of those pictures within a picture within a picture situations. It had wind and fog and waves and real growing things. And it was made of paper plates. And they wore black glasses and sequins, while they did it. And they ran off to a corner of the houseboat where no one could see the masterpiece until it was done. Just look how happy they are.

Every family has a little dysfunction. Nathan and Margaret. Their plan was to put cotton balls in tin foil and light them on fire thus hoping that all the other boats would burn up. Why do I think that it never sunk into either one of them what was going on? I did like their name though: "Grathan". Like Branjolina only they chew Trident Fruit Flavor.

Lastly we have the "Fairy Flower" built by Pat and Debbie. They hogged all the Styrofoam. And silk flowers. And fun foam. And feathers and sequins and glue and jingle bells and ribbon and whatever else I threw into the bag to try and get rid of at the reunion. Thank you Pat. Thank you Debbie. "Fairy Flower" gave me an extra shelf in my hall closet.

So I bet you're dying to know how the race turned out. I know I would be if I were you. Awards were given. Tears were shed. OK. No tears were shed. But this is how it turned out

"Fairy Flower" by Pat and Deb won "Most Crap on it" or in other words "Prettiest".

"Grathan" by Grandma and Nathan won "Most Thrown Together" or "Best Teamwork" which was really a social commentary designed to encourage companies to never pair the elderly with the teenager mind.

Inside view of "Grathan". They never lighted it on fire and I for one was disappointed to my very core.

Rachael and Amanda's "G-lock Starry Night" won Most Creative. Like any great work of art, a photo does not do justice. Personally, I think they should have given a best use of tulle award. They would have been a shoe in for that.

"Larve" by Ruth and LaRene won "Most Columbia Worthy". Because of their use of waves. And things rising up out of the waves. BTW, LaRene's name is on the other side of the vessel. Just in case you thought Ruth was on a power trip.

Rick and Lisa's "Las Vegas Queen" won "Best Use of Neon Lights with out Really Having any Neon Lights". Coveted award. And that glob of gold sequins stuck right in the middle? Pretty sure that's Carlo's work and not Sawyers.

Morgan and Matt's intellectual "Light of the River" won "Most Inspiring use of Materials and Inspiring Craftsmanship and Inspiring End Result and Let's Face it We are Inspired" Award. I was watching Pat and LaRene's faces when they won this, and let me tell you, I've never seen parents more proud than at that moment. Smiles as big as the sky. FYI, when they first put it in the river, it flipped and sank and the contractor ran and put the pink floaties on the ends and it happily sailed away.

The "M & M" won best name. Woo Hoo.

.

The tight like unto a dish vessel "G-lock's Ark" won 1st Place, Most G-Lockie, and Most Spiritual. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there. When heaven is on your side, you cannot fail. As soon as the Ark hit the water, it was as if a heavenly motorboat was propelling it out to sea:

It was the little ship that could. It went like the wind:

Further and faster it went, leaving the other sad little boats sitting in their puddles of sad sorryness. The crowd was going wild. whistling! yelling! stomping! That an actual G-lock was able to engineer a boat that actually floated was astounding! unbelievable! inconceivable! And you know who was up on the top deck snapping photos of every victorious moment.

When you finally take that cruise to the Eastern Carribean, and as you're standing there on the Leado Deck, with Captain Stubing and Gopher, and you see a little red and green boat that looks like it might be made out of fun foam out there on the horizon, that exact moment would be a good time to take a little personal inventory to see Who's on the Lord's Side Who. Because, my friends, we all want to be the little ark that could.

.

.

And now, I bring to you in all humility, the fate of the "M&M"

I know the scriptures are true.


.

PS This post is too long. Mitch will complain.

.

These Two are Related, Really Miss Their Days at Girls Camp, Are Sympathetic to Their Half Blind Dear Sweet Grandmother, and are Drunk with Sequins

Stay tuned for more reunion fun to come. If you can stand it.

.

Whilst We Wait for Certain People to Send Me Pictures From the Reunion, (you know who you are), Chomp on These

Deeeeeeee-lish.

.