About Being Invisible

When I was younger, skinnier, blonder, I remember sitting around my Mother-in-Law's dinner table and the subject of being invisible came up. I learned that day, that when you grow older, you become invisible to the world. It was an interesting concept, being this: that as you age, no one notices you anymore for your beauty, smarts, or stylin' attitude. Since I am a person that is happy with blending into the wallpaper, (hello, it is why I blog...no one can see me...) it was a fascinating idea to me. Do people really stop acknowledging that you exist? Do they eventually look right through you? When I'm over 50 I am no longer? Oh, but t'were it true.


However, today invisibility happened. And I'm not complaining. Well I sort of am, but you will see why.


Case in point #1
I'm in Costco. I'm looking at Carter's kid's pajamas. I'm digging for styles and sizes. I hear these 3 women across the table from me talking. They all have a stroller, which means they all have a baby. Which means they all have a birthing story. And let me ask you this: If you had a birthing story that included the words pain, yell, crown, push, gush, water, burst, etc. etc. etc, would you want some old lady putting that in her blog? You don't? Then for heaven sakes don't be yelling it around in Costco.

People! Invisible people can hear you.

Case in point #2
I'm in the Walmart, standing in the customer service line, returning non smear highlighter pens that smear. I'm standing behind 4 young people, probably around 18. One of the girls, the Blondie, had on some 'skinny' jeans which is another word for too tight, too low, and too creepy. She bent over a couple of times and it was not exactly what I would have chosen to see. But that's not the bad part. She and one of the boys, were playing "I can slap your face, no you can't yes I can" the entire time. And I was right behind them. I, the invisible female immediately behind them got to witness the slap giggle grab slap giggle pull up pants that are almost showing my woo hoo slapslapslap party that was a foot an a half away. I'm gagging a little right now just thinking about it.

Case in point #3

Still in Walmart. I'm standing in the pharmacy line. This guy and his adult grandson are sitting on the bench. Grandpa has on a soiled white (maybe beige) t-shirt. It is soiled all over the area where his belly protrudes underneath the t-shirt. He has on suspenders that go over his t-shirt. They are bright yellow, and are made to resemble a yellow tape measure. This guy is older than me. Why is he not invisible to me? Why am I trying to read the tape measure that goes from the front of his pants to the back of his pants to see what the measurement is? Why aren't I following the invisible protocols? Why?

Case in point #4
Still in the Walmart Pharmacy Line. Guy in front of me starts talking about swine flu. On and on and ON with the swine flu. 1,000's are going to die. Like in 1918. And in 1968. ...Wha? More and more on the swine flu. And even more. I am certainly not invisible to this guy. Not one bit.


Case in point #5
Still in the Walmart Pharmacy Line. Grandpa's adult grandson is talking on a lime green cell phone. Let's call him Limey. Limey is pacing back and forth. Talking loud. I'm trying to be invisible what with not wanting to encourage Swine Flu Guy any more. And then I notice that Limey has developed a flatulence situation that is going on and on. And then there was a curtain call and an encore. How lucky am I? Swine Flu Guy rips his head around and looks at me like he's my best girl friend. I thought his eyes were going to pop right out and tumble into my palms. Absolutely NO invisibility saving me here. What is the deal?


So yeah. This invisible notion. Here's the real skinny: After 50, the perks of invisibility never go your way. You're invisible when you don't want to be, and you're visible when you pray to be invisible. I've proven it to you five times. Perhaps I have to wait to turn 65 for perks.

And now, I don't want to think about today any any more.

.