Stirrin' it Up

Its a well know fact that these two do it.

Focus people. I'm talking about having a "family bed".


And since blogs are the confessional of the 21st century, let me just state, that my bed has been turned, right under my nose, into a family bed. Yep. Me, Schnerberwitz, and Snuggliebaby. All together from midnight to 6 am. I know, I know, this is a controversial issue. But the election is over, and it's time to bring up some pros and cons. Don't you miss them? Do you think Fox News will pick up this story? I have some things to say about Family Beds. They're weirds. As in plural weird. I've been looking up the subject and geeze lousie, I have some questions. Burning questions.

Like here's one. If you have a family bed, does it stop with just sleep? Or after you all sleep in the same bed, do you have to start eating in there too? Does it become the family slash bed slash table?
Because if you start up with the eating, then you're not only going to be dealing with the foot in the face issue, but you're also going to have to deal with the foot in the face with the toast crumbs issue as well.

And is there a rule that every single person has to be on board with the idea or it is a no go? Because I think that if I were forced by a young mother and her infant to be in a family bed, then that would be my rule. Because do you really want family members saying to themselves: "Am I a family outcast if I want my own room?" Besides, I don't think this chick looks too wild about being the baloney in her family bed sandwich.

And what about this: who do you allow in there? Where do you draw the line? I mean, families are big sometimes. And there's weirdos sometimes. Like, what if your dad is this guy? Does that mean you're sleeping with him?



Or what if there is a family pet? And it smells? Or what if he has his own bed? Does that mean you have to drag his bed up on to your bed so he will be happy and so it will truly be considered a family bed?




Or worse, what if THIS is his bed? Are you obligated to drag this monster up into your bed? I guess it could be done. You maybe could position that metal thing right over your head if you need to economize space. Then the doggie could still sleep with his bottom positioned in the fuzzy green thing right above your smeller.

And where does it stop?

Is Grandma invited in to the family bed when she becomes to infirm to care for herself? Because you know what that means. Say hello to installing side rails and having a bedpan handy. And you know she's going to bring along her C-PAP and there might be oxygen tanks just for kicks and giggles. KaBoom KaBlamm.

And what about the bed bug issue?

If you add more people, will there be more bed bugs? However, with regards to this issue, maybe you personally will get less bed bug bites. Because the bugs will be biting your kids instead of you. Now there's a plus.


I found that the family bed has become a cottage industry. For example, there are Bed and Breakfasts that cater just to families who prefer a family bed:



WooHoo... There's a vacancy.... Get going.....


And don't you just love it when you find a good children's book that will help you solve a problem that one of your children is having? Who knew there was sensitivity to this issue?




And there's junk you can buy to further junk up your bed with. Junk to keep your baby safe and secure. But one has to wonder... where is Daddy sleeping now?


And just to take the stress out of it, there are "Stay Dri" items you can buy to stick between you and your 800 thread count sheets. 'Cause you never know.

And not to worry. There are books designed to undo what you have done. You can find it all on Amazon.com. Amazing website. Love it.

Don't stress. If your child experiences trauma from you kicking him out of the family bed, it is perfectly OK for him to request that you make him a family bed birthday cake to help him cope.

And after reading the how to get the kids out of the bed book, and you just can't seem to make it happen, then just embrace your inner chi. Get yourself one of these floating family beds. "Keep your family bed pure" was the slogan on the ad for this baby. A good idea for the whole earth, I always say.

I don't know. After mulling this over, I did find one good idea. Get yourself one of these bad boys, and if everyone is bugging you, why just close that puppy up. Problem solved. And hey sports fans....it's a space saver too.

PS If you wanted an update on the little man, he lost his umbilical cord yesterday. Oh you know he enjoyed that warm water bath.

PSS. I apologize for any offense that may have been caused in the stirring up of this matter. Can't we just all get along?