Best Friends Forever

Yesterday, whilst in the dental chair (I can show you more photos of people that were there if you want... What's that you say? You want?

Oh yeah. This guy was in his regalia in the waiting room.


Anyway, we're not about that today. Today we're talking about Nitrous. My best friend, Nitrous Oxide. I love it and want to marry it for whenever I am at the Dental School. In fact we did get married in a ceremony yesterday afternoon during a crown prep. And here's what our conversation sounded like. Totally in my head, but trust me, the nitrous was talking to me.

Nitrous Oxide: Knock Knock
Mommactia: Who's there?

Nitrous: The deliverer from evil.
Mommacita: Deliverer from evil who?

Nitrous: Deliverer from Evil Kneivel
Mommacita: That's not even the least bit funny. Snifffffffff

Mommacita: Hey wait a minute... I think it is.... Let me check.....Yep! It is So STINTKING FUNNY! You are Hilarious and now I must breathe deep. The gathering gloom. Wait. Doesn't apply.
Nitrous: Are you under yet?

Mommacita: Slobber Bauber Bo Bobber, Banana Fanna Feau Fadder, Me My Moe Mauber, SLOBBER.
Nitrous: Great. Now. You don't even notice your Dentist and his big ol' shot needles right?

Mommacita: Well. I'm noticing. But who cares? Not me me me me me me me. Oh yeah. Not me.
Nitrous Mommacita: Hey Mommacita. Let's try and remember everything you experience so you can use it for blog fodder.

Mommactia: OK . GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRReat Idea. Did I just say Great Idea? Because I meant to say GREAT IDEA
Nitrous Mommacita: (exhale) So what can you remember?

Mommacita: I think my legs have fallen off. But it's OK because I'm never ever leaving this chair ever again. Or my nitrous wytrous.

Mommacita: Hey wait. I think I can hear a conversation that is way over across the room. No. Wait. That's right next door here. But I can only hear every 3rd word. They're loud, they're soft, they're loud they're soft. They are talking about pizza. And teeth. Same diff.
Nitrous Mommacita: Not so sure that's happening Mommacita.


Mommacita: Sunday, Monday Happy Days.....
Nitrous Mommacita: Wha?

Mommacita: Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.......
Nitrous Mommacita: Oh Boy.


Mommacita: Thursday, Friday, Happy Days! Saturday! What a Day! Rockin' all week with You! (do do doo do)
Mommacita: So I've got a question for you Nitrous Mommacita...

NM: Shoot
Mommacita: So when you have nitrous, are you supposed to pretend that you are lucid? Or can you shut your eyes and fly over mountains? If you shut your eyes, will they think you've gone byby? Because I don't want them to think I've gone by by and shut it off and make me have those grindings and pokings and pullings without my beloved mountains. A girl needs her beloved mountains for a crown prep.

NM: So you're wanting to know if you should fake enjoying the nitrius or not? Um, Wait. WAIT Danger...Will Robinson...Danger!! We're loosing cabin pressure. We're going down...DOWN

Mommacita: Sniff? SNIFF?? SNIFFSsniffSNIFFsnifffSNIFFF???? DR. DubersDIBIBLERS! The tank is empty...Switch the tank....Hello! THE TANK! THE TANK! HELLO! My Beloved TANK!!!!
NM: Good Save Mommacita. Good Save. It's things like this that make us evaluate the good things in life, and concentrate on just enjoying the here and now. How's about we do that for the rest of the crown prep?

Mommacita: You're right. You're so very very right. In fact a little drool right now would complete me. And that little drooley throaty sound that I learned from Homer Simpson? Done.

Mommacita: Man, I just love this stuff.
Nitrous Mommacita: Amen Sista

Andrew's World

I opened my email this morning to find an article about this man, Andrew Wyeth, who died on January 16, 2009. An American treasure is gone. Many years ago I went to the big city, because a traveling exhibit of his controversial 'Helga' paintings was being shown in the museum there.

It did not disappoint. I remember being struck with the sensitivity that this man had to every bit of light and design and color. And his skill! I had never seen the likes of it! I almost felt like I knew Mr. Wyeth personally, because there his heart was on a canvas, explaining it to me. I remember 'Helga' taking my breath away, and I marveled at the capacity of mankind to do something magnificent. I went home inspired, hoping to do better at developing myself.





So, Andrew Wyeth, Thank you for your hard work and your dedication to your craft. And thanks for helping me to know that people can see the world in a beautiful light.



I love knowing what you felt and saw.

Goodbye Mr. Wyeth

Things I May or May Not Have Enjoyed Seeing in the Dental School Waiting Room Today

I told you I was BACK. You didn't believe me. But you should have because Mommacita's endless dribble is BACK.

So.

Today, while other folks had a ticket to an inauguration, I had a ticket to the Dental school. Bless my heart. My dentist kept me waiting, and it's not the first time in 26 years I've waited for him. OK. Not that true, because he has been annoyingly on time most of his life. Except for today. While I was sitting in the waiting area, (where I'm sort of suspicious that there might be head lice on my chair), I saw some things that were blog worthy.

Oh Share SHARE Mommactia I can hear you say. In fact, I think I hear you being quite enthusiastic about me sharing my day with you. And it's quite flattering I might add.

So. Let's share.

Number 1:

OK. I know you are not fooled by the reenactor above. But trust me. I saw this dude for reals. It was not a costume on a halloween website, and trust me, there was hair involved. And some major jiggling. Not that I don't jiggle now and again, but I wouldn't let my jiggling show in a Dental School. I'm too klassy for that. Stop judging. If you had a blog, you would be forced to purge on it too.

Number 2, because I remembered that you just love little kittie pictures:

This is also a reenactor. A reenactor of a couple, a man and a wife. who were sitting on the same, hard, maybe lice infested chairs that I was sitting in. But they were totally asleep. With their spines and heads totally erect. BOTH of them. Side by side. Not touching. Stiff as a board. It was pretty incredible really. Maybe you had to be there.

Number 3

OK. This time the picture is a reenactor. There was this guy there that I did one of those double takes on. He was Sidney Poitier in the flesh. It really might have been him and you know it. Because maybe his son or daughter is in dental school too. And maybe he's a really good parent too. And maybe Sidney Poitier would do anything, ANYTHING, to help his son or daughter. Like allowing them to put sharp and pointy things in his mouth and wiggle them (the sharp and pointy things) back and forth. I have always loved that Sidney Poitier, but now, I so totally respect and admire him. We're sharing a wave length, and nobody can take that away.

Oh. Yeah. That's right. Mommcita's dribble is back and now she's taken away 3 minutes of your life you'll never get back.

Number 4:

I saw a girl in pink keds and she looked really cute in them. And I said to myself: "I haven't seen pink keds in a long time and dang if they aren't the cutes."

Number 5:

This one is actually an imaginary reenactment. The Dental School had this little laptop set up on a chair (that may or may not have had lice on it) in the front of the waiting room and it was showing the inauguration of our 44th President, Barack Obama, the first African American President ever. Well, I use the term "showing" quite loosely. The image on the screen was blurred and frozen, and so we (and when I say we, I mean me, Sidney Poitier, and the girl in the pink keds because we were the only ones in a waiting room of about 50 people who were close enough to even know the laptop was there. And plugged in.)

As I was saying, "we" just had to imagine what was going on. But I heard it. I heard history being made. And there was a picture of Nancy Peloski frozen on the screen the whole time so that made it even specialer. Actually, I'm imagining that it was Nancy Peloski. I couldn't really tell. I could tell the person was female. So I guess it could have been Hillary. Or Michelle. Or Maleah or Sasha. Or Laura Bush. Was she there?

So a Big Ol' THANK YOU to the Duber's Dental School, for making the effort so that I, along with Mr. Poitier and pink ked girl, could witness this historic occasion. er, uh, hear it. er, uh, imagine it.

I will never forget what I imagined happened, on this historic day, with Sidney Poitier in the room by my side.

MLK , I'm BACK

I'm back. I'm back! I'M BACK I'M BACK I'M BACK!

No, I didn't say I'M BLACK, I said I'M BACK!!

So now that we've established that I'M BACK, but not BLACK, let's do some Martin Luther King Celebratin'.

I'm celebrating by being BACK . So I asked my kids how they were celebrating today, this federal holiday.......

Jaqueostinky said he was going celebrate today by shaking the hand of his favorite African American. Clever, AND timely.

Dubers said he and the Lars always watch a movie that celebrates an African American in some way. Clever, timely, AND fun.

When Schneebes was in college, she and her roommates would celebrate Black History by covering their living room walls with xeroxed pictures of famous African Americans. You know, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Booker T. Washington. All the greats. And they would throw in a celebrity or two...The one I remember distinctly was this young man who pittied po' fools:

Now you younger folks may not remember, but Mr. T. was pretty big stuff in his hay day because of his pittying po' fools. And his gold chains, which were mighty popular with the ladies and gents. In fact. If Mr. T. were big stuff today, he'd have a jewelry line on QVC and you all would be wearing Mr. T gulden accessories. No, I didn't misspell golden. Gulden is my made up word for things that are fake golden. It's kind of a play on the word 'gullible' and the word 'golden'. A play on words that I'm feeling is pretty clever right about now because I made it up right this second as I was typing along. But tomorrow I'm probably going to look at it and figure out that it is pretty stupid.

Anyway, back in the day, Mr T was so big that he was honored with one of these

And to put it in perspective for you, I found this. This proves to you youngsters the hugeness of Mr. T

Yeah. It kind of makes you hold your breath and evaluate yourself and your country a little, doesn't it?

I didn't talk to Mitch about what he was going to do today. So I'll have to just share a little story that is in keeping with the day. In Middle School he kept coming home and telling me about his girl friend. I would quickly retort that he was too little for a girlfriend. Then the next day He come home would tell me more about his girl friend. By the way, every time I would tell him he was too little. But apparently he wasn't because he had this girlfriend. That I denied. Because he was too little.

Anywho, I don't remember the girl's name at the moment. Lets say it was Chelsea. So I keep hearing about this Chelsea. Chelsea this and Chelsea that. Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea. A month later I go to a choir concert and they announce that Chelsea, Mitch's ChelseaChelseaChelsea, is singing a solo. I'm all Whoa... this is my big break....I'm certainly going to be checking out this girl that isn't my son's girlfriend as soon as she sings her big solo. So, as soon as it was little Miss ChelseaChelseaChelsea's turn to sing, I watched a beautiful little African American girl walk up to the microphone and belts out her number. I thought to myself: With all the details that I've heard of ChelseaChelseaChelsea in the past month, wouldn't African American be one of the details that might have been included in the description? Along with brown eyes and pretty smile? Is it me?

And thus we easily conclude on this holiday for Martin Luther King:

Even in middle school, LOVE indeed KNOWS NO COLOR.

You know little kittie pictures are your favorite.

So Martin Luther King, wherever you are, thank you for helping our world be a better place. Thank you for the truths you taught and the way you taught them. The world is certainly a better place because of you. And you did it without blogging. Pretty dern fabulous.

Happy Martin Luther King Day Everyone! Now go out there and make the world a better place.

I'm BACK!!

P.S.

I know you were wondering about Sawyer Timothy.

He is sleeping for MLK Day. And with beautiful precision I might add.

P.S.S

I realize that I am not making the world a better place by putting my beautiful beautiful grandson and a Brittney Chia Head in the same post.

Tre

Deja vu. Here we go again. Three peet. Opps I did it again. Repeat after me: I have finally met my grandson. The third of three. And HE IS A DOOSEE!! And I am in love with him. It shouldn't amaze me, but it does, that 2 months from yesterday I didn't know one of those three little boys, and now, they are my little men.

And so, for the third time in two months, I present to you a beautiful beautiful child, the first born of Dubers and Larsa.....

This is my favorite shot. He is having his hearing tested, but you can clearly see, the Mommacita chin lives on, yet again.

First bath, first family photo, first day home, happiest of parents

Sawyer has biliruben issues, but not to worry. He happily wears his glo in the dark blankie 24/7. Except for bathing. And swimming. And diving. Oh, and notice how he problem solves when it shines in his eyes. I think I smell a Valedictorian.

Self Portraits of Sawyer and his Dad. Self Portrait of Sawyer and his Dad in the middle of the night. Self Portrait of Sawyer and his Dad in the middle of the night when his Mommy is fast asleep. Self Portrait of Sawyer and his Dad in the middle of the night when his Mommy is fast asleep that is entitled "Glow Worm". I think it should be called Glow WormS. WORMS. As in Plural.

Imprinting.

This makes my heart all squishy and solft.

Hat Trick*

Today, while I was giving Benjamin Timothy his bath,

I was able to tell him about his new cousin,

Sawyer Timothy

who was born last night, January 2, 2009, at 9:53 pm, and weighed in at at 6 pounds 13 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long. And a little bit of brownie blondie hair and mustache. Of course you know I'm just kidding about the stache. Dubers says he has his nose. We were hoping for a total Larsa because she is cute.

Now I have a long and skinny lil' dude to finish out the trifecta of Mommacita grandsons.

We are especially excited for the ordeal to be over for his mommy, who started the whole thing last year, on Dec. 31st. (insert the largest frowny face you can imagine here). However, last night before he was born we must admit that we did enjoy saying that Lars had been in labor ALL YEAR.

Sometimes I really crack myself up.

ps. I hate to be blunt, but experience has taught me that some of you are slow. That is why I only have a few readers. Because I insult them. Anyway, The above picture is of Ben. Not Sawyer. Or Henry.

*3 goals in a row in a hockey game. I don't mean to insult you this time, but I thought I'd better tell you the meaning of Hat Trick because 10 minutes ago I learned about it from the Jaque-o. And I only insult you on the things I know but you don't. Because this is my blog.

What Two Women Might Do to a Really Nice Man's First Born Son

Oh I have met him. I have sniffed him and touched him and put his whole tiny head in my hand. And I flopped his tiny head around with embarrassment because I was used to Other Baby's head and neck. But I adjusted quickly and he is DEE- EEE- EEEE- LICIOUS.

Emphasis on licious. But let's talk about THE HAIR. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh the hair. Never has our family seen the likes of THE HAIR. We talk of THE HAIR. We touch THE HAIR. We look at THE HAIR. We dream of the days that peanut butter will be stuck in THE HAIR. We can't believe THE HAIR. It is only fitting that I show you THE HAIR.

So I present to you, my couple of readers, THE HAIR:

I like to call this shot, depth and breadth.

Bed Head

Bjorn Head

Wet Head

Regular Look Head

Ed Grimley Head

Alfalfa Head

In memory of Tim, Pat Riley Head

Mohawk Head

(You knew I'd do a mohawk)

Conan O'Brian Head

Hope you enjoyed the really big show. I know I did.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

Let's just have a big ol' lookey lou at the huge elephant in the room.

I've been a slacker. A big time slacker. And it's not that I haven't had anything to blog about. I'm admitting it. I've slacked. Mommaslacker. Slick Slack Slackstereesta for those of you who speak Espanol. But today we're snowed in from church and there's nothing to do because the BabyDaddy is back and I am no longer in the Daddycita role. So I'm going to blog instead of get out of my pajamas on this snowy day. So maybe I'll write about something I could have blogged about if I had been a blogger in the past 21 days. Not that anyone was counting. Or caring. (Insecurity Binkie Anyone?)

Like I could tell you about the time I dragged a newborn and his mother to Costco and while we were in there it went from being a beautiful sunny day to getting dark and pouring down buckets of water and it was cold and I had no coat and the umbrella was in the trunk of the car and I left the newborn and his protector in Costco while I went to get the car only I couldn't remember where I parked it. So there I was, in the dark rainy parking lot walking to and fro, and to and fro in the wet wondering where my short term memory had gone. And I couldn't concentrate on finding the car because I could only think about feeling sorry for myself because I was getting soaked. So I went back into Costco and got a stupid Costco travel booklet that had pictures of people in their swim suits on the beach to use for a hat (no, I didn't fold it into a hat, because THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK STUPID. I just opened it up and held it there for a hat, wishing all the while it had a chin strap...because I would have used a chin strap, stupid or no, because the wind had kicked up) and so I went back to walking to and fro some more, this time concentrating on why does this junk happened to me which once again didn't help me find the car. So then I reached that point on the emotional thermometer that says DESPERATE and I actually considered running into Costco crying and asking the employees for help. I actually thought this. And in my thought scenario I saw myself running in there screaming like I had been robbed or stabbed. So I had lost not only my short term memory but my ability to reason, because I almost did it. Can you imagine? The only thing that stopped me was that I also imagined the Costco Employee Lunchroom filled with Costco employees laughing about me. And maybe blogging about me. Because employees love to pass along stupid moron stories.

So I gave myself a slap in the face and girded up my loins and found my stupid car. And my daughter admitted she had laughed at me while she was waiting there watching it all happen but was stabbed with guilt so then she prayed for me. And I'm sure that her prayer and my slapping incident happened simultaneously. It is Sunday after all and I should tell a Churchie story that will inspire you to live a better life.

Orrrrrrrrr, I could tell you how much I love babies. Babies that belong to my family. I could tell you how much of a pleasure it has been hold, cuddle, sniff, soothe, change, rock, pacify, bathe, lotion, massage, observe and run my lips over a baby's cheeks. And I could tell you how much I've liked watching his mother turn into a mother. It has been a joy. I've been taught my whole life that your posterity can bring you joy. It is the truth. I could also tell you how much I've appreciated the opportunity to live side by side with that mother and baby for the last six weeks. I could tell you what a privilege that has been for me. I could post about that.

But using my greatly honed ability to reason skills I decided that you needed a Churchie story.

How could I not fall in love?

PS. Me telling my absolutely true Churchie story is almost the same as me speaking in church so I think that maybe I should tell the leaders of my congregation that I had my turn speaking in church today so go ahead and check me off on the list. Oh, you know they're falling for it.

Pea-nut, Peanut Butter...........JELLY!

The peanut butter 'n' jelly of the Mommacita trifecta is here!!! In case you didn't get that, the peanut butter 'n' jelly was a lame literary attempt to say the middle of the grandson sandwich has been born!!! Peanut butter and jelly being the middle of the sandwich. This kid is the middle of 3 grandsons. Get it? GET IT? I put the most important words in bold blue print for those of you who are slow.

Because apparently there was a couple of people out there that didn't get that last blog entry. (No body in this house is looking to Over eaters Annonymous for anything because denial denial denial is the lay of the land. It (the blog post) was all infantile satire. So snap out of it. Get it? GET IT?

Getting on with it:

To Jakeadoodlenoodle and his lovely perfect wife Jenkneeeshah a son was born today, weighing in at 7 lbs. 11 oz, and being 20 inches in length. His name is: BRRRRRRRRRRDT (that was a Gilmore Girls drumroll)

Benjamin Timothy

Happiness reigns supreme here and abroad.

Wish I had a picture. This will have to do.

Trifecta Mothers: Schneebes, delivered 11/6/08, Larsa, not too distant future, Jenkneesha 12/01/08.
Two down, one to go.

You Can't Change What You Don't Acknowledge

Dear Over eaters Anonymous,

I'm a first time caller. Er, Uh, I mean I've never done one of these 12 step programs before. Is this a 12 stepper? Anyways, I'm a newbie. In every respect of the word.

Anyway, I've kind of started a new life here, but I'm finding that I'm running into a couple of problems. I used to be thin. Big boned, large noggin', yet skinny and scrawny in a lovable kind of way. But as life does, things have turned on a dime. I'm finding that I am becoming obsessed. With eating. And not only am I obsessed with eating, but I am gaining weight like you wouldn't believe. I took a tubby yesterday, and I noticed this



Yep. Back fat. SO disheartening. I kind of sat all floppy for awhile after that, and I'll admit it. I cried a little. Such a baby.

So I did some thinking. I can't go around with all this back fat, but right after I thought that I found myself distracted, thinking about this.

Yeah. I KNOW. Looks scrumpdillyumptious doesn't it? And then I had one of those light bulb moments. Yep. My first one. I, for the first time in my life, became self aware:

I AM OBSESSED WITH DAIRY.

It's all I think about. 24/7. I've tried humming my favorite hymn, but the dairy just keeps popping in there. I find myself wistful about this



And then without even noticing it I move onto this


Which naturally moves on to this


Which pretty much sums it up for me these days. Dairy. Joy. I think those two words have the same delicious meaning. C'mon. They do and you know it.

In my short little life, I already know they have the same meaning. Experience has taught me that when you fill up your empty belly with dairy, and you not only fill it but you fill it so full that you can't stand it anymore, that it causes you to throw your head back and shut your eyes and let you let your jaw just hang open like no one else is in the room and then you have to let out all the air in your lungs because there's no more room in your body for even air so that leaves you feeling what I like to call dairy drunk. You might even drool a little bit. And it is pure pure joy. That's what I'm talking about Mister.

Which brings us to this. I mean it. What about this? I was thinking about this the whole time I was telling that story about dairy drunk

This seems like something akin to paradise. I want to marry a Dairy Queen someday. Blonde. With blue eyes. Lover of Dairy.


Getting off track here. So the other night? When my grandmommocita was holding me, I was sleeping, and I was smiling. And then I laughed. And then I sighed. And then I purred. Yep. You guessed it. Can't even stop thinking about it in my sleep:

Look at all that dairy. A thing of beauty, no? I can't think of anything more lovely, or of good report. I can't think of anything. I dare you to either. I double or triple dog dare you because I just saw a commercial for Christmas Story.

I'll tell you what though. This here lady, she's lucky for a couple of reasons.

All the dairy she wants. AND IN A BUCKET! Someday. I tell you, SOMEDAY I'm going to take a ride on that there gravy train. Thinking about milk in a bucket right this minute, just in case you wanted to know.

See how bad it's getting? Here's more: the other day, I was in the Dr.'s office, and I innocently picked up a magazine. Before you knew it I had filled out and mailed in the subscription card for this

And I have no cash so it was tricky. And let's just say that Grandma is not so pleased because now her address is going to be sold to catalogues that sell cow stuff. Not great.

So I beg you. Take pity. On me. I got on the internet and I know you have things to help people like me.

Because for heavens sakes, when I'm not thinking about milk, I consuming it.

So hurry up. Because there happens to be all kinds of weird stuff on the internet that just is not true.


So if you have to, put this on your frig. Or on your bathroom mirror, where you will see it.

Thank you for understanding,
Very truly yours,

Henry R. SnugglieBaby

P.S. Oh, and since it's almost December, please have a Merry Christmas.