Song For a Beautiful Day

Right after Tim had his kidney removed. at the beginning of the cancer saga, and after they told me he had a 99% chance of surviving his little bout with cancer, they wheeled him into his hospital room all reved up on painkillers. I was with my friend Miss Kitty, (thank you again for spending that day with me) and there he was, tubes coming out of everywhere, however Tim was lucid enough to have a conversation. It was a Tim torked up on painkiller conversation but never the less a conversation. Miss Kitty and I kept giggling at him, because he was pretty drunk, and since we had never seen him thus, we were enjoying his ridiculous-ness. He inquired about the weather, to which we replied: " It was a beautiful sunny day today, with blue skies and no clouds."

He sat there and thought a minute, and, unprovoked he slurred out a reply: "I married a beeeeeeeautiful girrrrrrl on a beeeeeeeautiful day like tooooooooday." We laughed until our sides hurt at him, and whenever Miss Kitty and I are together on a pretty day, and we notice the beauty of the day, one of us pretty much always repeats Tim's drunken quote.

The thing is, even though I laughed that day, I had an instant thought come to my mind and this was it:

Here is a man who has been told he has cancer, is looped out on drugs, has just been though major surgery, has lost a kidney, and even in the state he is in, his instinct is to make me feel loved and beautiful. And that is pretty much the way my life was everyday. And it was bliss.

I know some people don't understand why I am still so connected to my deceased husband. It's true, I am. But in my belief system, my religion, we believe, that love and marriage are eternal...and I can't reconcile putting my memories in a box and taping the lid shut. I want to remember him, because he was worth remembering, and I know that at some point in time we will resume counting our anniversarys again.

On February 17, 1977, Tim and I started a life together. We created a family out of thin air, we loved, we laughed, we disagreed, I got mad, he acted perplexed, we made up, we had babies, we raised them, we slept, we ate, we traveled, we stayed home, we worked, we discussed and discussed and we decided how we wanted things to be for our little corner. We had fun. And we created a life for 4 other people. Which has turned into 5 more people. Is it me, or is this not all worth staying connected to?

All of that leaves me on this note, which is a note I sing, loud and unashamed, for the world wide web to hear:

Happy Anniversary my Timmers. 32 years ago today was the most beeeeeeeeeeeeeeautiful day of my life.
(sorry about the cancer.)




PS. Happy Anniversary Schneeberwitz and Willie. Love you both!

PSS Happy Birthday Miss Kitty! You know they say that 50 is nifty.